A Change is Coming
by catey123
Summary: After the events of 611 Old Money, Brenda begins to realize that she's changing and things are changing along with her. Brenda/Flynn
1. Chapter 1

All Brenda wanted to do when she gave Flynn that last look before he left with his team members was run to him and put her arms around him. Tell him that she was so glad he was alive, that he'd survived, that he wouldn't be leaving her. But she stood there, simply looking at him, giving him a small smile before turning and walking back in to see her husband. If she were truthful with herself, when she said she knew what she wanted, it was the man who'd just walked away, but she forced that thought away. Instead, she locked the door and gave her husband the five minutes she'd denied him earlier.

Afterwards, at home, she curled up in bed, and found she couldn't sleep. The worry and anger that had kept her going all week had dissipated, and she found herself drained. Fritz had fallen asleep as soon as his head touched the pillow, but all Brenda could do was think of Flynn. She wondered how he was, if he was doing okay at home alone. She'd never seen him so helpless. She slipped out of bed and grabbed her cellphone, disappearing to the bathroom, shutting the door. She didn't think Fritz would approve of her phoning Flynn, for some reason. As she dialled his number, she almost felt guilty. Andy picked up on the second ring. Obviously he wasn't asleep yet either.

"Andy, it's Brenda. I just wanted to check and see how you were doin'." She said to him.

"Alright, I suppose, Chief. I just took some painkillers, but they haven't kicked in yet." Andy sounded tired, worn out from doing things he wasn't suppose to be doing yet, but he couldn't just lay around feeling sorry for himself. Going out with his friends had cheered him up, the only thing missing had been the Chief.

"Do you need anything? I can bring it over if you do. You did so much to help us nail the guy who did this to you. It wouldn't be any bother." Brenda really wished he'd say to just come over.

"Nah, I'm fine tonight, Chief. Besides I won't be much company once the drugs kick in. I'm hoping to be out like a light." What he really wanted to say was to come over, but didn't feel it was right.

"Well, I'll bring you some breakfast in the morning. You need to take some more time off, make a full recovery. Besides, someone has to look out for you. If I leave it to Provenza, you may be dead from his kind of care." Brenda attempted to joke and was relieved when Flynn did chuckle.

"Well, he means well, but he's not a great caregiver. Got to love the balloon he brought me though. Do I look capable of having a baby? I think not." Andy laughed, then let out a sound of pain as the movement hurt him.

"Are you okay?" Brenda had heard the sharp intake of breath and felt bad for him.

"Yeah, yeah, I'm okay. Just not ready to laugh yet, it hurts too much." Andy said.

"Well, I'll see you tomorrow then. I'll bring some bagels. I'm not much of a cook, but I sure can toast things." Brenda said.

"See you tomorrow, Chief. And Chief?" Andy asked.

"What, Lt.?" Brenda was curious.

"Thanks for everything since this happened. Thanks for being there when I woke up. And thanks for getting this guy." Andy let out.

"You're welcome, Lt. Like I said, you're my friend. And when people mess with my friends, they mess with me. And as you can see, it's not pretty." Brenda replied.

"Let's just say I wouldn't want you coming after me. I'll see you tomorrow, Chief." Andy was tired, the drugs were kicking in and he just wanted to sleep.

"See you tomorrow, Andy." Brenda said and then hung up.

She stared at the phone in her hand a long time, contemplating whether to tell Fritz she was going to Andy's house in the morning. She decided against it, better not to cause any waves with him. Besides, she was just making sure that Flynn was okay and taken care of. He was her friend, nothing more. At least that's what she kept telling herself. She slipped out of the bathroom and walked to her bed. She put her phone on the night stand and slipped under the covers. Curling up underneath, she finally fell asleep, a small smile on her face.


	2. Chapter 2

Brenda was up early the next morning, leaving Fritz asleep on the bed. She quickly showered and headed back to the bedroom to pick something to wear for the day. As she stood at the closet looking for something, she heard Fritz's voice.

"Care to give me five minutes of your time again this morning?" he said suggestively.

Brenda was not in the mood for five minutes of anything. She had somewhere to go and she'd given Fritz his five minutes in her office last night. She really hoped maintenance had really cleaned that conference table. She'd tried her best last night, but decided to throw some cleaner in her bag before she went to work, just in case.

"Not this morning, Fritz. I have to get in early and finish up the reports on Flynn's case. I kind of skipped it last night, we were busy with your previously delayed five minutes." Brenda stalled. She didn't want to tell him she was going to Flynn's this morning. She didn't know why she didn't want to tell him, she just didn't.

"You hate paperwork. Do you really have to go in this early?" Fritz looked at her in disbelief.

"Well, things are so uncertain within the department now, you know that. I don't want Major Crimes to cause any waves that might get it disbanded." Brenda had to admit, she could lie when she wanted to. Even to her husband.

"Brenda, you know they want you to replace Pope. If you take his job, you probably can keep Major Crimes going as long as you want to." Fritz said with exasperation.

"I told you before, Pope is my friend. I don't know what to do about the job, I don't. Besides, Delk hasn't even come near me yet to ask."

"You know he's going to. It's going through the department. It's a wonder Pope hasn't heard by now. Has he said anything to you?"

"No, he hasn't. And what do you mean it's going through the department? Then how come I never heard anything before you tried to bargain with me for my five minutes?" Brenda said, even more upset with her husband.

"Word has a way of getting out. Raydor knows, it's why she was being so nice. She's good at sucking up when she wants to."

"Well, that may be. But I really have to get going. I'll see you later." Brenda ended the conversation as she finished dressing. She put on some makeup, gave herself a once over and was ready to go, grabbing her bag.

"Don't I even get a goodbye kiss?" Fritz said, laying back in the bed.

Brenda looked at him and complied. Why couldn't he have stayed asleep for another five minutes til she was on her way? She hurried from the bedroom, stopping long enough in the kitchen to grab some cleaner and was gone.

She stopped at the bakery she liked not far from her apartment and picked up some bagels. They had cream cheese too, and she bought some, unsure if Flynn used cream cheese or not. This bothered her for some reason, there was so much she didn't know about him. She found herself wishing she'd taken the time over the last few years to get to know her team better. They were all important to her, and almost losing one of them once again had put things in to perspective.

However, she didn't know why she felt so strongly about almost losing Flynn. While she'd sat at his bedside in the hospital, she'd looked with sadness upon him, knocked out on the drugs. It was then that she realized he really had no one, except for the team. No one else was sitting at his bedside in the middle of the night, only Provenza and her had been there. That was why she was also worried, who would help him when he was released from the hospital. He wasn't always good at following instructions, and whatever the hospital told him to do, he'd probably ignore it. So here she was, making sure he got something to eat and was taking care of himself.

Brenda pulled up in front of his place, a nice house, well taken care of. She was pleasantly surprised, when she'd had to look up his address, she'd expected a small apartment somewhere, but no, he had a house. All the more surprising because he'd been divorced twice and she thought he'd probably been paying a fortune in alimony. She sat there for a moment, suddenly overcome with a nervousness. She shook it off, this was just a friendly visit, to make sure a friend was looking after himself after he'd been seriously injured. Then another thought flowed through her head, if this was just a friendly visit, why lie to her husband about where she was going this morning? Why not just admit she was making sure that Flynn was okay? It wasn't a big secret. She got out of the car, grabbing the bag with their breakfast and made her way to the front door.

She knocked and didn't have to wait long, hearing Flynn say "Just a second". After a little wait, she heard the locks being undone and Flynn opened the door.

"Hi Andy, how are you feeling this morning?" Brenda asked, a smile on her face.

"Sore as hell, Chief. Come on in, sorry it's a bit of a mess. Haven't really been able to straighten up the last few days." Andy stood back and let her pass by him.

Brenda looked around, thinking that the place wasn't messy at all. A blanket out of place here, a paper there, but nothing that was too out of place. She thought the place was very nicely decorated, especially for Flynn.

"Where's your kitchen? I'll get started on these bagels I promised you!" She stood there, holding the bag up to show him she hadn't forgotten.

"This way, Chief. That doorway there." Flynn said, pointing.

"Well, come on then. I don't toast bagels just for anyone." Brenda said happily.

"Chief, I hate to say this, you're much too happy for this early in the day. It's making my head hurt." Andy said, grinning as he spoke.

"Well, get used to it. I'm just happy you're alive. Give me a little credit. Would you rather I be happy that you were dead?" Brenda teased him.

"You probably would have preferred that option a few years ago." Flynn muttered.

"Not anymore, Lt., I prefer you very much alive." she replied.

"It's nice to know I'm wanted." Flynn said as he took a seat at his table.

Brenda headed for the toaster, and opened the bag. "I hope you like sesame seed bagels. It's what I got today. Where are your knives?"

"The drawer to the left of the sink." Flynn watched her with amusement.

Brenda set to work, splitting the bagels and popping them into the toaster. She searched the cupboard, finding plates and set out two. Finally she turned to face Andy.

"How much longer til you can officially come back to work?" she asked him, curious to know when he'd be back along side her at work.

"Miss me that much? Is it my charming personality?" Flynn joked.

"Well, you are a valuable team member, Lt." Brenda laughed.

"Right. Anyway, the doctor says I can come back within the week, maybe sooner, if I don't push things." Andy replied.

"That's great, Andy. We miss you at the office."

"Yeah, my charming personality is needed around there." Andy chuckled, careful not to laugh too much, in case it hurt his stitches again.

The toaster popped up the bagels and Brenda asked him if he wanted cream cheese on his. When he accepted, she prepared it for him and set it in front of him before going to going to make another one. He offered her half of his, so she could sit and eat with him. She smiled and sat across from him at the table.

They ate in companionable silence, before the next bagel popped up and Brenda repeated the process. After they finished it also, they began to talk.

"So, Chief, what are you really doing here? It's not like you've ever been to my place before." Andy questioned her, wondering exactly why Brenda had wanted to come over here.

"I know, Andy. It's just, when this happened to you, I realized that this could have been it. And honestly, I'm not ready for a change like that. You've grown on me over the years." Brenda admitted.

Andy looked at her, surprised at the admission. Gone were the days of mutual loathing, replaced by respect and something else, something he couldn't quite put his finger on.

"Yeah, well, I'm like a bad habit. Hard to get rid of." He attempted levity, but it only brought a frown to Brenda's face.

"Don't talk about yourself like that, Lt. I don't want to get rid of you. Not anymore." Brenda stood up, gathering the plates and quickly washed them. When she turned, Andy was still watching her.

"Could you do me a favour, Chief?" Andy changed the subject.

"Depends what it is." Brenda answered.

"Could you help me change my bandages? I was suppose to do this yesterday, but it's proven to be a little difficult." Andy looked down, hating to admit he needed any help.

"Of course I'll help you. Why didn't you say so earlier?" Brenda worried about him. Things like this made her think somebody should be there everyday to help him out somehow. "Where are your supplies? I'll get started."

"They're in that bag on the counter." Andy replied.

Brenda went and got the bag, fishing the stuff inside out. She sat down beside him, watching as he took his arm out of the sling. She slowly began to unwrap the bandage that was on it, looking at him when he winced in pain.

"Are you okay? Am I hurting you?" Brenda asked, concerned.

"Just a little, Chief. I'm a big boy, I can take it." he answered.

Brenda concentrated on what she was doing, and at the same time started chatting with Andy.

"Do you mind if I ask you a question?"

"Again, it depends what it is." Andy smiled.

"Well, it's about addiction. I have a question about something that's had me curious today."

"Go ahead, shoot."

"Well, you said last night you were waiting for the painkillers to kick in. With your addiction to alcohol, aren't you afraid you'll get addicted to pain pills?" Brenda wanted to know.

"Well, at the moment, I really have no choice, Chief. I know there is always the chance I could relapse, but I'm trying to be vigilant. I'm afraid of relapsing, I really am. But, I have my group to attend and I'll get through this. I only take the pills when I have to. These aren't heavy duty painkillers, either, I talked to the doctor about it before I left the hospital. If you want, you could monitor my pill usage." Andy wondered why she brought this up.

As if she could read his mind, she answered him. "Fritz hurt his back a couple of years ago. When I offered him some pain pills I had, he refused to take them, said it was too easy to get addicted to something other than alcohol. That's why I wondered why you were taking the pills." She got the rest of the bandages off, surveying the damage that had been done to his arm. The jagged pattern that showed the viciousness of the knife attack shocked her. She cleaned the wounds, put some antibacterial cream on his arm and then began to re-wrap his arm.

"He's right, to tell you the truth. That's why I talked it over with the doctor before I left. This will dull the pain, but it's not as if it's Oxycontin or Demerol. And like I said, it's a matter of willpower, also. I know the path I was on before and will not go down it again."

Brenda fell silent, amazed by his willpower. "Fritz and I don't talk much about his addiction. I guess I just haven't wanted to know. I'm more in denial than he is."

Andy wondered once again why she was confiding in him. It touched him that she thought enough of him to talk about this, but again, wondered why. "I take it you've never been to a meeting with him."

"No. He goes, mostly because of me. I drive him to distraction some days and he "needs a meeting"." Brenda gave a sad smile.

Andy didn't know what to say, he didn't think it was his place. So, he just listened to her.

"I think I make it hard for him to not drink. We have a lot of disagreements. We're in the middle of one right now." Brenda continued.

"Well, if you want to talk, I'm here, Chief. I know I'm not a confidante or anything, but I will listen if you need a friendly ear." It was the least he could do, he felt, with her helping him so much at the moment.

Brenda gave him a smile and wondered if she should. She felt heavy-heartened and burdened and really had no one else to talk to. "If you promise me that what I say stays between us, and only us, I could use a sounding board."

Andy held up his good arm and said "I solemnly swear that what Chief Brenda Leigh Johnson says in this room, stays in this room."

"Oh you!" Brenda smiled at him.

"No, seriously, Chief. I promise." Andy smiled.

"Okay, but this goes no further than here, but I guess it's getting spread around anyway. Delk is looking for someone to replace Pope as Assistant Chief. According to Fritz, he's going to ask me." Brenda concentrated on finishing up on his bandages.

Andy was dismayed hearing this. If she became Assistant Chief, Major Crimes might get someone who couldn't do the job. Or worse, Major Crimes would be shut down. He pushed his dismay down, asking instead "Well, would you want the job?"

"I don't know. I don't think so, Will and I have been friends for far too long for me to do something like that to him. On the other hand, Fritz is right, Will would walk all over me to keep his job. I don't know, I just want to keep the job I have, but if I don't take the job, Delk could shut down Major Crimes and I'll, we'll be out of jobs anyway." Brenda was upset about the whole situation, but talking to Fritz was useless. He wanted her to take the job, in spite of any misgivings she had about it.

"Is there any way you could convince Delk to keep Pope in the job? Would he listen to you?" Andy hoped that things would remain as they were. He hated change as much as the Chief did.

"I don't know. He hasn't even offered the job to me officially yet. Apparently that is happening soon, though. And it's through the building, it's why Raydor was acting so nice during the investigation. Preemptive sucking up, apparently." Brenda finished with his arm. "Do you want me to do your chest wounds now?"

"Yeah, I have to get them changed to, thanks, Chief." He slowly removed his shirt, stiff and sore. Brenda started working on getting those bandages off, slowly removing so she wouldn't accidentally snag any stitches.

"And add to that, Fritz hates Will and just wants me to take the job so that Will isn't around anymore and I literally don't know what to do." Brenda actually felt better, having let all this stuff that was inside her out to someone.

"Well, I think the feeling is mutual. Why would Fritz hate Pope so much though, to want to see him gone?" Andy was curious. He knew the Chief and Pope were friends, perhaps the rumours were true that they'd been something more, but the Chief had never confirmed that, not even when Pope's ex had shown up and tried to accuse her of sleeping with Pope.

"I guess he doesn't like our friendship. He thinks Pope wants something more. I guess he doesn't trust me enough. Besides, he seems like he's Delk's best friend right now. It makes me uncomfortable." Brenda frowned, knowing that bothered her tremendously. Suddenly, she noticed the time. "Oh, Andy, I have to get to work. I had no idea it was this late already!"

Brenda finished bandaging him back up, got up and disposed of the bandages she'd taken off of him.

"Thank you for listening to my whining. I guess I really have had no one to talk to about this. I appreciate it." She put the cream cheese and bagels away, leaving them for him to have.

"Anytime, Chief. I don't mind listening." Andy liked it actually, that she thought enough of him to confide in him. "And I promise, nothing will go any further than here. You can trust me."

"I know that, Andy. You've really changed since I first met you. Listen, I'll come back before I go home tonight, and I'll have Provenza come tomorrow. I'll try to come back in a couple of days. Before you know it, you'll be back at work."

"Slave driver. I'd have to be dead to get away from work." Andy joked.

Again, Brenda frowned, not liking the implication. She didn't want him dead. She liked having him around. "Well, that may be, but you'd be missed. I'd miss you."

Andy was surprised at her admitting that, but he let it go. "I'll see you later then, Chief. And thanks for helping with the bandages."

"Well, better me than Provenza. He'd probably tape your mouth shut. Or try to get one of those nurses to help you, from the hospital. Did you get any numbers?" Brenda joked but secretly hoping he hadn't.

"No, I didn't want any numbers, Chief." He didn't add that he'd been quite happy that she'd been there when he woke up, and something about that had stayed with him. Asking for numbers had seemed in poor taste after that. "And you're right. I like Provenza, but I'd hate to see what he'd do to me with bandages."

Brenda grabbed her purse and headed for his front door. He slowly followed her, wishing she didn't have to leave, he'd enjoyed the company. "I'll see you later, Andy. You need anything, phone me. Get some rest."

"Sure thing, Chief. I'm going to lay down now. Thanks for breakfast, and thanks for the company. It was nice to have someone to talk to."

"It was nice for me too, Andy. I don't have many friends I can talk to. Bye for now." She patted his shoulder and opened his door, ready to leave.

"See you, Chief." He watched from his doorway as she got in her car. With a final wave, she was gone, and he was left there, feeling strangely empty and disappointed. Whatever was changing between the two of them, he didn't know, but he liked it. It was nice to be able to call her a friend, not just a coworker. And as he went to lay down, he was relieved she was coming back, even for just a little while. He thought of that as he went to tried to get some more sleep, looking forward to her return.


	3. Chapter 3

**A/N Brief spoilers for episode 613 if you haven't seen it yet. Sorry for the delay, had a case of writer's block. Merry Christmas everyone and thanks for reading!**

Over the next few visits to Andy's home, Brenda found out more about him than she had in six years of working together. What shocked her the most was the fact that he was a father. She knew about his ex-wives, but she couldn't recall once in these years that Andy had mentioned he had children. He had a son and daughter, and for the first time in six years, his ex was letting him come over for Christmas dinner. The split hadn't been an amicable one, but seeing as how he'd been attacked and the kids had wanted to be around their dad, she'd invited him. That made Brenda feel slightly better, that he wasn't going to be alone on Christmas, but it did make her feel wistful. She had been going to invite Andy to her home for Christmas, sure that it would be alright with Fritz and her parents. She shrugged off the disappointment and acted happy around everyone. When they'd caught the case of the father attacking his son, Brenda had at first been disappointed, then she was happy, her work family would be around her for Christmas. She was the only one who felt that way, however.

Everyone had Christmas plans, but the case had put a crimp in them. They weren't happy and Brenda was trying to hurry the case along, even trying to get Raydor to take it. But, it fell to them to solve this case. With her parents visiting, and staying in the house, things were strained at home. Her father had taken over Christmas, decorating everything he could, which put Fritz on edge too. He barely tolerated her parents sometimes, and with the news that they wanted to move to California, it had sent both of them in a tailspin. Things were kind of tense, but not obviously, and Brenda had her parents come to work with her to help out with the Christmas drive they had going.

Her mother had seemingly taken over the squadroom, decorating it even more than it had already been. The big thing for her was to set up a sprig of mistletoe, and then changing the location once everyone had gotten wise to it. Her mother had been kissed numerous times, Brenda had dodged several kisses and even Sharon had managed to have been kissed on the cheek by Provenza. No one had thought he'd dare to kiss the formidable FID Captain, but he'd gotten away with it, even with a little smile coming from her. But Brenda, she'd watched her mother putting the mistletoe up and avoided it altogether. She wasn't in the mood for it, truth be told. The fact that her parents were thinking of moving here bothered her, she was a big girl and had taken care of herself for a long time. Her parents coming every once in awhile was something she could handle. Them living on the same block, she didn't think so. Fritz mentioning putting in for a transfer bothered her. She didn't want to leave her squad, her job. She liked it here.

It was with those thoughts on her mind, and the need to get this case solved that finally distracted Brenda enough that she didn't see where her mother had put the mistletoe one time. Which is how she found herself walking down the hallway towards the back entrance of her office when she ran into Andy. He'd come to give her a small gift of chocolate, to help her make it through the case. He'd seen how strained she'd looked, heard the rumours that her parents were moving to L.A, and thought she could use a break. Andy had bought the chocolate, intending to give it to her as a Christmas gift anyway, for coming and helping him after he'd been injured. He'd seen her walking away from everyone awhile ago and decided it was a good time to give the gift of chocolate to her.

"Chief, I just wanted to give you this. You looked like you needed it. It's not much, just a small thank you for all the help you've given me in the last while." Andy smiled, handing her the gift.

Brenda first looked guiltily past him, looking to see if Fritz was around and had heard him. She'd never told Fritz all the time she'd spent at Andy's since the attack, and didn't really want him to know. She took the proffered gift and opened it, delighted that he'd given her anything. Seeing a box of Godiva chocolates, she smiled.

"You shouldn't have! I love these, they're some of my favourites! Thank you!" Brenda took one out, and then offered him one. He took one out, slowly eating it. He wasn't as much of a chocolate lover as her, but liked it occasionally.

They turned and went into her office, he followed wanting to know how she was. He was disappointed about missing Christmas with his kids, but felt worse because of being chewed out by his ex, who accused him of once again putting work before family. One of the reasons they'd divorced coming back to bite him.

"Listen, Lt., I'm sorry about you not getting to dinner with your kids. Is there any way we can make it up to you later on?" Brenda was genuinely sorry that everyone's holiday plans had been disrupted, but the case had to be solved, considering they were up to a body count of three, and no clear idea of who had done this.

"You can explain to my ex that this wasn't entirely my fault. Maybe she'd listen to you. She never has listened to me." Andy said, half joking.

"Well, if you think it would help I could phone her right now." Brenda offered.

"No, don't worry about it. She wouldn't believe you anyway." Andy said. "How are you doing, Chief? You're looking stressed. I heard about your parents wanting to move out here."

Brenda looked at him, surprised. "Well, yes, and Fritz isn't taking to it too well. He's thinking of putting in for a transfer to Washington, just so we can avoid that."

Andy was stunned. "Washington? But what about Major Crimes? What about what you want?"

"I'm still not sure what I want. Fritz wanted me to take the Assistant Chief job, I've turned that down. He's upset with me about that, since he's such good "buddies" with Delk. Of course, Delk gets to enjoy his Christmas, while we all stay here." Brenda said dejectedly. She looked up and seen worry in Andy's eyes. "Don't worry, Lt., I'm not going anywhere. Not for the foreseeable future."

Andy was not relieved by her words. He knew her husband had a way of manipulating her and getting what he wanted. For someone who was so tough at work, she backed down when it came to what he wanted and caved constantly. Andy got up to leave, going out the back door once again, he was heading to the break room for a coffee. She got up to accompany him.

They walked down the back hall, before hearing the laughter of someone passing by. Both of them wondered why the chuckle before looking up and noticing the hanging mistletoe that had escaped their attention previously.

"I guess I've finally been caught. I've been doing so well to avoid this stuff all day. My mother is way too involved with this Christmas stuff, I'll tell you that." Brenda said, not knowing what to do.

"Well, Chief, it's only you and me here. No one would know if we don't follow tradition." Andy said, giving a small smile.

"We'd know, Lt. And then I'd have a guilty conscious. My mother would find out. She'd make my life even harder." Brenda smiled.

Flynn didn't know whether to actually kiss her or not. This was the Chief, after all. Yes, they'd been friendly since the attack, a fact that had delighted him to tell the truth. Waking up and seeing her there, it meant a lot to him. And the mornings they'd spent chatting, talking about whatever they wanted, it was an added bonus. He really did think of her as his friend. But to kiss her? Even he had his doubts as to whether he should. Finally, he decided to just do as she wished.

Brenda stood still, wondering why she'd pushed him to kiss her. She closed her eyes, expecting a quick kiss, nothing more. When she felt his lips on her forehead, it surprised her. She thought he'd take advantage of the situation. She lifted her chin, almost in response to wanting a real kiss. Realizing what she was doing, she pulled back, opened her eyes, giving him a small smile.

"Well, that takes care of that." Brenda said, not sure she was disappointed or not. She shook off the feeling, she was married, for god's sake. This was Flynn, her friend.

Andy said nothing, giving her a small smile before turning and leaving. Brenda didn't know what to make of that. She went back into her office, sat down, and started thinking. The kiss to her forehead had been gentle, but the urge to have a real kiss from him surprised her. That wasn't part of the plan at all. She didn't know what it was about him lately that was throwing her off balance, maybe he was just the friend she needed in the storm that was surrounding her right now. She needed to get her feelings under control and now. Perhaps part of that would be to avoid spending as much time with him as she had been. She was just using his friendship as a crutch to make it through what was a stressful time in her life. At least, that's what she told herself. She had another chocolate and went back to work on the case.

Andy, for his part, was also thinking about the chaste kiss he'd given her. He'd kissed her forehead because he wasn't sure about giving her a real kiss. If he'd started, he might not have been able to stop. And he didn't want to damage anything between them. Besides, she was married. He might not like the guy, but he wasn't going to do anything that might be misconstrued. What he hadn't expected was her initial reaction of what appeared to be her trying to give him a real kiss. She'd broke it off, as if realizing what she'd been doing, and Andy had felt disappointment course through him. Whatever was happening between the two of them, he needed to back off. He hadn't been able to speak when he'd left her, not knowing what to do. It had taken a lot for him to just walk away instead of giving in and kissing her like he wanted to. He finally decided to ignore the feelings that he felt starting inside of him. This was a complication he didn't want or need. He just wanted to be her friend, not destroy her life. He'd put on his game face, be her friend, but ignore everything else. That was the plan, he decided. It was for the best, he thought, it was for the best.


	4. Chapter 4

As the case came to a close, Brenda went back to calling him Flynn or Lieutenant, not Andy anymore. It was her attempt to create some space between them, to put behind her the fact that she may have wanted more than just a kiss on the forehead from him. She wasn't that kind of woman she kept telling herself. She'd been shocked when she'd found out that Pope was married the entire time she'd been seeing him. She had no desire to put Fritz in the position of having a woman cheating on him. She couldn't do it. So, she did what she did best, she avoided the situation.

It was hard for her to do. She really needed to talk to someone about how she felt. How Fritz had deceived her parents. Again, she didn't know whether she was relieved or disappointed that Fritz had staged the break-in of her parent's RV. Yes, he'd accomplished his goal of getting them not to move to L.A., but by doing so, he'd kind of ruined Christmas for the Johnson family. There was no time to get new gifts, and Brenda couldn't give her parents the pleasure of opening the gifts in front of them. But, Brenda pushed down her feelings of disappointment and acted happy as they celebrated Christmas in the murder room. She sat with Fritz, her eyes only occasionally glancing down the table towards Andy. She watched as he actually laughed with Raydor on occasion, and a feeling of discontent coursed through her. She felt an irrational pang of jealousy, as if she was suppose to be the one to make him laugh.

After everyone helped clean up, the team broke up for the night. Tao was catching a late flight to Hawaii, determined to salvage what was left of his time with his family. Gabriel was the same, he'd rebooked a flight to Italy and would be joining his parents. Brenda watched with surprise as Pope and Raydor left at the same time, Pope trailing after Raydor like a puppy. Something was up between the two of them, was the thought Brenda had. Perhaps misery loved company. Either way, Fritz should be pleased that Will had found someone to keep him occupied and away from her. God knows that being friends with Will should be illegal in his eyes. She sighed, turning away from the site. She went to Tao and hugged him, apologizing for making him late for his vacation and wishing him a good flight. She did the same for Gabriel and soon after, both men left. Sanchez headed home to his family and Provenza went to do the same. When it came time to say goodbye and Merry Christmas to Flynn, Brenda didn't want to. But, she did, apologizing once again for ruining Christmas dinner with his family. And decided that tomorrow, regardless, she would phone his ex and apologize to her as well.

Brenda smiled as her mother pressed a dish of leftovers into Flynn's hands, telling him to take them, he needed them. She had done so with Provenza as well, and Brenda found it kind of cute. Taking care of everyone, her mother wanted everyone to feel wanted and welcomed. She put an arm around her mother as they again said goodbye to Flynn. With a final backwards glance, Flynn left the murder room, leaving only Brenda, Fritz and her parents. Brenda felt so alone standing there. She quickly went to her office and grabbed her purse, so they could return home.

So, that's how her Christmas ended. On Boxing Day, she went with her parents to look for some Christmas gifts to replace the ones that had been "stolen" and felt guilty about it. She'd tried to protest that she didn't need anything, that she was fine, but they insisted. So, she caved and went with them. Fritz had just looked on her with a strange look, but she didn't know how she could do otherwise, given the circumstances. They'd gone to a nearby mall, and Brenda trailed along behind them, battling with the other bargain hunters out there that clogged the mall. This was not how she'd pictured spending the day, not at all. But if it made them happy, she'd do it. Fritz had begged off, staying home. She knew he tolerated her parents at the best of times, and she'd been working so much lately that she didn't even care he didn't come along. If it made him happy, so be it.

As they walked along, she heard her mother exclaim suddenly "Why, Lt. Flynn, it's good to see you again!"

Brenda's head snapped up when she heard who it was her mother had spotted. A smile came to her face and she quickened her pace to catch up to her parents.

"What are you doing here? I thought you'd be at your ex's house, making up for missing yesterday!" Brenda said.

"Well, I was. And as punishment, she sent me to the mall with them to spend their Christmas money. They're in the store over there. And I will remain out here, waiting for them." Andy smiled.

"This is punishment? Them getting to shop?" Brenda enquired.

"It's punishment for me. She knows I hate to enter the mall, and on Boxing Day of all days? Yeah, she knows it's a punishment." Andy grinned.

"How old are your kids? You trust them in a store by themselves?" Brenda was curious. In all the time she'd been over at his place, she'd never really looked at his family pictures and she really didn't have a clue as to how old they were.

"They're 14 and 12. My son does a good job of looking out for his younger sister. I trust them. And they've heard enough over the years from me about being careful that you'd hear them screaming down the mall if anyone tried anything." Andy was proud of his kids. Maybe he didn't get the time with them he wished he did, but they had quality time. And he made sure he taught them right, without suffocating them with warnings.

"I'm sure your children are just lovely, Lt. We're just here to find Brenda a new Christmas gift. Ours were stolen out of the RV yesterday. It's just not Christmas without giving Brenda a gift." Willie Rae commented.

If Brenda could have sunk into the ground, she would have. Guilt overwhelmed her, and while her parents didn't catch on, Andy noticed how Brenda looked at the ground and reddened. Something was up, he knew it.

"Do you care to go for a coffee? My treat, Mr and Mrs. Johnson. When the kids come out, we'll all go to the food court." Andy offered.

"Why, thank you, Lt.! We haven't been here very long, but I'm already tired. And I'm sure Clay would like to sit down for a bit." her mother said happily.

When Andy's kids joined them, Brenda was amazed by how much his son looked like him. Darker hair of course, but he was his father's son. Even had some of his attitude, by the looks of it. His daughter was blond and petite, must have resembled her mother. She was very sweet, and Willie Rae took right to her, as the girl did to her. They all walked to the food court, and Brenda listened as the girl told Willie Rae all she'd gotten for Christmas. Andy talked quietly to his son, asking what he wanted to eat. They managed to find a table with enough seats and Brenda and Andy went to get the food, leaving her parents with his kids.

"Did your ex forgive you for not being there yesterday?" Brenda asked, making conversation.

"Yeah. She says that I'm not going to change and there is no use being angry about it. She said me taking them shopping was a great Christmas gift to her. She gets some alone time." Andy smiled. He actually didn't mind, gave him a chance to be with his kids. "What about you? Not find anything yet you want for Christmas from your parents?"

"Oh, I've seen plenty of things. I just don't know if I should let them buy them for me." Brenda said.

"Why, I mean, if the gifts were stolen, it's nice of your parents to take you out to replace them." Andy was curious.

"I really don't want them to spend the money. Listen, I know where the gifts are. And the guilt is killing me. And don't you dare tell my parents!" Brenda said, glancing over at them. They seemed to be getting on well with Andy's kids, a lot of smiling and laughing was going on.

"Tell your parents what? I don't hear anything!" Andy went along with it.

"Fritz staged the robbery. He hid the gifts. It's all in an effort to keep them from moving to L.A. And it worked. They're not moving here." Brenda felt a bit of relief, being able to tell someone about this.

"He broke into their RV? Kind of cruel of him, if you ask me. Even if it means you can stay here and not move to Washington."

"I know, I know. I don't know whether I'm relieved or disappointed. I just felt so bad that we robbed my parents of Christmas. And I can't tell them." Brenda said as they moved up in line.

"Don't tell them. It will just cause problems for you and Mr. FBI. Let them buy some small thing for you." Andy advised.

"He also stole their microwave, to make it look like a real burglary. I owe them for that too." Brenda groaned.

"Buy them one today. I'm sure you can get a bargain, it is Boxing Day." Andy smiled. He seen how hard this was on her.

"We might as well look while we're here. Thanks, Andy. I just needed someone to listen. I've felt so guilty since yesterday when Fritz told me. I had no idea he was that desperate to not have them move here he'd go that far."

"Better than you moving to Washington." Andy muttered, but Brenda heard him anyway.

"You'd miss me if I was gone?" Brenda wanted to know.

"It would take too long to break in someone new. I mean, I'm used to you now." Andy joked.

"You mean it would take too long for anyone to get used to you and Provenza. Somedays I don't know what to do with you two." Brenda smiled.

"Face it Chief, you'd miss us. We make your life exciting." Andy grinned at her.

"Exciting or terrifying, I'm not sure which." Brenda joked back.

Conversation ended as they came to the front of the line, and Brenda felt happy. It wasn't the day she'd expected, but she was having a better day now that Andy was there too. It was good to have talked to someone about her guilt. The two families had spent the rest of their time at the mall together, enjoying the time together, an unexpected treat for both families. Brenda had finally gotten her parents to just buy her something small, and then she'd replaced the stolen microwave for them.

Andy had helped with putting the microwave in the car and felt disappointed once she drove off with her parents. This wasn't a feeling he should be having, but at least she'd called him Andy today. The last day or so, it had been Lt., or Flynn, and he'd found himself missing her calling him by his name. It had been good to spend time with her outside the office. And somewhere from inside him, the feeling that he wished he was in that car with her, heading someplace popped up. Whatever he was feeling for her, he felt guilty. Sighing, he turned to his kids and they headed back to his car. A least she wasn't moving to Washington, he had her here for the time being. Living with that, that was going to be the problem, because he was finding himself in a situation that he didn't want to be in. There was going to be no way to resolve it without someone getting hurt and he had a bad feeling that it would be him on the losing end.


	5. Chapter 5

Brenda felt devastated and defeated. She was not used to feeling like that. It hurt her that Gabriel had gone above her head. Yes, she may have been in the wrong, but it still hurt that Gabriel had betrayed her. And then, finally she had the talk with Fritz she'd been putting off for forever. She'd learned many things about him in the years before she'd reconnected with him, and she was surprised by most of it. His description of things bore little resemblance to the man she knew now. She acknowledged to herself that yes, he did have a monster within him still, that for the most part, he kept under wraps. She'd seen it peek through on occasion, and it wasn't pleasant then. She could only imagine what he'd been like when his defences were down.

Brenda sighed. She hated feeling like this. She'd managed to find some excuse to stay late tonight, preferring to hide there and try and find her equilibrium once again. Finally talking with Fritz about his addiction was suppose to bring them closer together. Instead, she felt scared, not knowing what to do. She felt like she was letting him down. Yes, she'd made all the right sounds and sayings and she did support him in his ongoing struggle. It was hard for her though, this unknown person he used to be. Thinking about how he'd described himself, she didn't even know if she would have gotten together with him. The man he used to be is what scared her.

She sat back in her chair, no longer pretending to be doing anything. She rubbed her temples, a dull headache had formed and it irritated her. She'd almost decided it was time to go home when a light knock was heard. She looked up and seen Andy standing there. Brenda gestured for him to come in.

"Sorry to bother you, Chief. Was just heading out and seen you were still here. Just wanted to make sure you were alright." Andy looked embarrassed to be asking.

Brenda looked at him and gave a faint smile. It was the first time anyone had asked that since everything had gone down. "Just a bit of a headache, Lt. I suppose I should head home. It's been a long day."

Andy looked at her, thinking she looked in bad shape. "Sorry if I'm out of line, Chief, but you don't look well. Is there anything I can do? Can I get you anything?"

"No, no, Andy. I'm just going to go home, I guess. Although I can think of other places I'd rather be." She almost said the last part to herself. She rubbed her eyes, she was tired and out of sorts.

"Do you want to go for a coffee? My treat. You look so tired. If you don't want to go anywhere, we could have one in the break room." Andy was trying. He'd seen what had went down that day and felt for her. He had a feeling she'd been blindsided by her trusted and favourite team member. And that had to hurt.

Brenda thought about it, knowing she needed to get home soon. But she also felt the need to talk to someone about her situation, and Flynn had become her sounding board in the last month. So she decided to go for coffee with him. "I'd like to get out of here for awhile. Got to head home soon, though. But I have time for a quick coffee. Besides, I think I'm in need of a sounding board again. To tell you the truth, I miss our little chats. Helped me get things off my chest."

"I'm all ears, Chief." Andy waited as she put on her trench coat. It was a cool January, rain almost a constant lately. It didn't help Brenda's mood lately. In the week since that last case had gone to hell and Fritz and her had finally, finally had their talk, it had rained. It matched Brenda's mood.

Andy held the door for her and they walked out. They were the last to leave, which seemed to be a usual thing lately. They walked in silence, in sync as they walked. They soon entered a little diner that was on the way to the parking lot that they had to trudge three blocks to now. It wasn't busy and they took a seat, coffees coming their way almost immediately. Andy ordered a couple of pieces of pie for them, and as they awaited them, Brenda began to talk.

"Andy, I have a question for you. Forgive me if it's too personal. You don't have to answer if you don't want." She awaited permission to ask him.

Andy looked at her, wondering what this was about. "Well, it depends. What does this question involve?"

"It's about your drinking. Your sobriety." Brenda looked at him, wondering what his story was.

"I talk about it all the time at AA meetings. So go ahead, ask me. I'll try to give you an honest answer." For her, he'd talk about anything.

"What were you like when you drank? I mean, did you get all violent? How did you keep everyone from finding out about your addiction? What made you seek AA?" Brenda had a million questions, hoping answers from him would help her deal with everything she'd learned from Fritz.

"Well, I think I said it before, Chief, when I drank, I was a real asshole. My mouth worked overtime and got me into a lot of trouble. Can't say that I was violent, just rude and obnoxious. I was not someone you wanted to spend a lot of time with." Andy hated the man he'd been.

"So, basically who you are, just amplified a thousand times?" Brenda said, half jokingly.

"Something like that. I had no censor what so ever. My mouth worked overtime when I was a drunk. I hurt my wife more emotionally than anything. It was a fight with her while she was pregnant that sent me to AA. I said a few things that I shouldn't have and she kicked me out. Told me not to come back til I'd straightened out. So, I sat down and realized I wanted to be a part of my child's life and would do anything for the baby and for her. I went to an AA meeting that night and have been going ever since. It's too bad we couldn't make it work though. But I take my responsibility as a father very seriously. So I stay sober." Andy remembered the man he used to be and winced.

"Do you feel like the monster lurks underneath, ready to come out at any time? I mean, I don't understand all this. I love Fritz, but all this, I feel so scared and don't know what to do around him. I mean, I finally get why he gets upset with me for drinking in front of him. It's temptation and I haven't been helping him. It really means I haven't been a good wife around him. I haven't been looking out for him." Brenda felt badly. As his wife, she should have known this years ago. Instead, she'd stuck her head in the sand and hadn't supported him as much as she should have.

"A person has to take responsibility for their own problem. You have to decide to quit for yourself. One can't shuffle the blame on to others. I quit so I could be a good father. I wanted to be in my child's life. And I've been sober for fourteen years. I even kept at sobriety when I wanted a drink really badly when I was going through the divorce. Which came at the same time as you came to L.A., and Priority Homicide. I may have been acting out a bit against you because I was so angry with how things were going right then." Andy admitted.

"Things were falling apart all around you and you managed to make it through. That's quite an accomplishment, Andy." Brenda found herself giving her friend support. Somehow, it was easy with him.

"Still no excuse for my behaviour back then. It's a wonder you decided to save my ass. I still don't think I deserved your help. Not after the way I treated you." Andy shook his head at the memories.

"I seen a decent man, a decent cop. Even after the way you acted, I could see that you didn't do what you were accused of. Besides, it put you forever in my debt." Brenda smiled at him.

"Listen, I'm sorry about the whole thing with Gabriel. Him going over your head to Chief Pope." Andy changed the subject a little. He'd had enough of dwelling on past mistakes.

"Do you not agree with his decision? Because I guess I was in the wrong. I just couldn't see that man for what he was. A cold-hearted murderer."

"No, I don't disagree with his decision. I disagree with how it was executed." Andy said.

"You think I was blinded too much? That I wouldn't listen to reason?" Brenda asked.

"Chief, don't kill me for saying this, but sometimes you do have blinders on. You can't see how you get manipulated. I hate to say this, but your husband, tell me, is he good at getting you to do things you don't want to do? Maybe that's how you were manipulated into believing the man's lies. You can be easily persuaded at times." Andy thought maybe he was overstepping his bounds.

"How so, Lieutenant? You think my husband manipulates me in someways?" Brenda felt the beginnings of anger starting to bubble up.

"I've heard rumours over the years." It was all that Flynn would say. He didn't like that she'd called him Lieutenant.

Andy was spared momentarily when the waitress returned with their pies. Both of them were quickly losing their appetites though.

"You shouldn't believe all rumours. Most aren't true." Brenda finally spoke again.

"Perhaps that's so. And it really isn't my business. Listen, don't be mad at me, okay? I didn't mean to make you feel worse. I don't like what happened any better than what you did, but it did make you realize he'd played you. And you helped save a girl who could have died in that container. You got him to give up her location. You did good." Andy tried to relieve her anxiety.

"It's just that I feel like my world is falling apart. Work, home, everything. Pope's job is on the line, Gabriel is going above me, the whole thing with Fritz. I feel like I'm lost. Fritz and I having a talk, that was suppose to help things between us. Instead, I feel like I'm closing off from him. Will, he might not be here in a bit, depending on this thing with Delk. And Gabriel, the one I've always figured had my back, he didn't." Brenda let it all out, and then slumped, tired of talking about things. She was no closer to feeling better than she was when it had all went down.

"You really have no one to talk to, do you? I'm glad you think enough of me that you can trust me, Chief. I'm not so good with the advice. Things will get better, eventually. You just need time to sort it all out."

"I suppose. It doesn't make me feel any better, though. I just want my nice, orderly life back. One where I was able to trust the people closest to me. And I don't feel I can do that right now." Brenda sighed.

"Am I included in the untrustworthy list?" Flynn asked her.

"You're one of the few I can trust. Which amazes me. Who would have thought that six years ago?"

"I'm hurt, Chief, really hurt." Flynn joked, clutching his chest, trying to make her laugh. It worked. It was good to hear that sound.

They finished up, nothing really solved, but Brenda feeling somewhat better for getting things off her chest.

"Listen, Andy, thank you for helping me get this off my chest. I suppose I should be talking to Fritz about this stuff, but to be honest, it scares me. A lot of what is troubling me is stuff I don't even know if I can talk to him about anymore. At times, I don't know if he'll go running off to Delk on me. I just can't seem to win right now" She said as they walked down the street towards where they were parked.

"It's no problem, Chief. I don't mind. I'm glad you trust me enough to talk to me." And then Andy said, much to his own distaste, " Don't give up on your husband yet. Try and talk to him about some of this stuff. See if he'll listen. I'm sure it will do you both some good."

Brenda was somewhat surprised at this advice. Not as much as Andy was though. But given that she was married, he didn't stand a chance with her anyway. No matter that his heart and his body were trying to tell his mind otherwise.

They arrived at the their destination and were ready to take leave of one another. On impulse, Brenda suddenly hugged Andy. Surprised, he put his arms up and held her to him.

"Thank you so much for listening to me. I really do appreciate it. And I'll try and talk to Fritz when I get home. I will." She lingered a moment longer in his embrace, thankful for their friendship. As quickly as she'd hugged him, she stepped back from him.

Andy had a troubled look on his face and she couldn't decipher what it was. She was wrestling with her own feelings that had enjoyed being held in his arms. But she shook it off. It was simply using him as a crutch in her time of emotional chaos. He was there and replacing what she should have been talking to Fritz about. Brenda decided to talk to him when she got home, getting the support she so desperately needed. But she also had a feeling in the pit of her stomach that it wasn't going to be as easy talking with Fritz, especially about Pope. She knew how he felt about Pope, and this put Brenda in a quandary. And she also did not want stuff to get back to Delk, no matter if it was accidental. That was part of the reason she'd come to rely on Andy so much. He told no one what she told him. Plus he tried to support her.

Andy was still hit with the lingering feel of her having wrapped her arms around him in a hug. It had felt right. Like she belonged in his arms. He hadn't wanted to let her go, but had no choice in the matter. She wasn't his. She loved her husband, for god's sake. He decided he needed to stop acting like a schoolboy with a crush. He'd try and support her, but his own sanity was starting to be at stake, because every time he was around her, he was beginning to want more. And he couldn't have it.

Brenda unlocked her car and climbed in. Andy shut the door for her and she rolled the window down.

"Thanks again, Andy. I'll see you tomorrow." She smiled up at him.

"Sure thing, Chief, sure thing." He watched with regret as she pulled out of the parking lot and drove off. Andy walked to his car, trying to think of where a meeting might be. He really needed one.


	6. Chapter 6

Brenda sat in her office, barely able to disguise her upset. She'd gone home to talk to Fritz, just like Andy had suggested. She had had her doubts though, knowing how Fritz felt about Pope, and her fears were confirmed. When Brenda had told Fritz her fears of what was to come, they'd exploded into an argument. He'd spent the night in the spare bedroom and Brenda had cried for hours. She couldn't understand why he was still so threatened at the mere subject of Will being brought up. Brenda had thought she'd been more than patient, more than supportive on everything that Fritz needed. And when she'd needed a little extra reassurance and support, they'd ended up arguing. She'd left for work early and was on her third cup of coffee already. Her team wasn't even in yet.

She took off her glasses and put them down in front of her. Why couldn't Fritz be more like Andy, she wondered. Andy was so easy to talk to, he had a calming influence on her. Fritz managed to raise her ire very easily, and once she'd brought up the subject of Will, it had deteriorated rapidly between them. Fritz was upset she hadn't taken the assistant chief's position. He'd wanted her to take the job, see Pope to the door and get her off cases that actually involved her being out in the street. These were all things Brenda didn't want. She didn't want to become a desk-bound officer. She liked getting the confessions, of finding the answers. She couldn't understand why after all these years, he deemed her job too dangerous. That had all come up during their fight as well. The more Fritz had pushed her, the more she dug in and refused to cooperate with his line of thinking. Duel slamming doors had ended the argument. They broke one of their rules, they'd gone to bed mad and Brenda hadn't seen him since. She'd left the house before he was up and sought refuge in her office.

She decided she needed more coffee and got up to go to the break room. As she entered, she noticed Andy in there, getting a cup ready to take back to his desk. He looked up when she entered and a smile crossed his face.

"Here, let me get that for you, Chief." Andy took her cup from her, pouring.

"Thanks, Andy." Brenda took the cup back and set about putting honey into it.

"What are you doing here so early? You don't look like you got a lot of sleep, if you don't mind me saying." Andy was concerned. She looked stressed and tired.

"I actually didn't get a lot of sleep. Let's just say you're suggestion backfired last night. Fritz didn't want to hear what I had to say." Brenda took a sip of her coffee.

"Really? That's too bad. I would have thought he'd at least give you a chance, be interested in what you said." Andy was secretly relieved.

"As soon as I brought up Will, we got into a huge argument. He just refuses to listen to me about him." Brenda looked down into her mug.

Before he knew it, Andy put his hand out and touched her arm. "It will be okay, Chief. I promise."

Brenda was surprised at the reassuring hand that rested on her. It made her feel so much better, hearing him make a promise she knew he couldn't keep. His hand crept down her arm, til his thumb made contact with her hand, rubbing the skin gently. A shiver coursed through Brenda and she looked up into the brown eyes that looked at her in a way she'd never seen before. She couldn't speak.

The moment was broken by the opening of the break room door. Andy had quickly dropped his hand away from her and Brenda missed the feel of him. She'd never had contact with him before, except in the most miniscule way, but this, this touch by him had set her nerves on edge. She wanted his hand back, touching hers. Andy occupied himself with his coffee cup, as Provenza and Gabriel entered, both men heading for the coffee machine. Brenda said hello to her team and quickly made an exit. They were in good moods and she had some thinking to do.

Brenda escaped back to her office, setting her coffee down quickly. She rubbed her thumb over where Andy had made that oh so brief contact with her. What was wrong with her?, she wondered. She shouldn't be going gaga over a co-worker, especially because she was married. But she found she couldn't help herself. Was it the unknown of what it would be like to be with Andy? Was it because of the stress and fights with Fritz that she found herself wishing for something uncomplicated and sweet? She didn't know. Maybe she was reflecting things on to Andy that he wasn't. For example, she knew he wasn't really a sweet man, but everything, everything since she'd come so close to losing him in that attack said that he was. Everything she couldn't talk to Fritz about, she could with him. She had no idea why.

Movement in the outer office caught her eye, and she watched Andy walk to his desk. He felt her staring at him and raised his coffee cup in greeting. Brenda smiled and quickly looked away. She sat back in her chair and put her feet up. She felt so exhausted. She felt her eyelids start to flutter and stood up. She closed her blinds and headed for the small couch that was in her office. She just needed to have a quick nap and she'd be okay, she thought to herself.

She fell into a sleep that was punctuated by strange dreams. She knew she had to be dreaming because it involved her kissing Andy deeply, the two of them alone in nondescript room. As things progressed between the couple in the dream, it felt very real to Brenda. She could swear that she even smelled his aftershave, a scent that she loved. Only when she heard his voice calling her Chief, instead of Brenda did she object.

"Don't call me Chief. Not here, not like this." she mumbled. She felt a hand on her shoulder, someone saying Chief again. It was his voice, answering her.

"I don't know what else to call you. You haven't said I can call you Brenda." the voice said close to her ear.

Brenda's eyes popped open, surprised. Real life came crashing in, the dream world gone. She went to sit up and the face near hers backed away, confused by what was going on.

"What time is it?" Brenda asked, breathless and embarrassed. She wondered if she'd said anything else and how long he'd been in the room with her.

"It's near ten. We just got a call out. We have to get going." Andy said, wondering what she'd been dreaming about. He'd watched her sleep for a few seconds, hating to disturb her, but knowing he needed to wake her up.

Brenda got up from the couch, smoothing her hair back. "Give me a couple of minutes, I'll be ready to go."

Brenda grabbed her purse, reaching for her compact to see what she looked like. She glanced nervously at Andy, as he hesitated by the door. 

"Yes, Lieutenant, is there anything else I can do for you?" Brenda looked at her reflection in the mirror, pleased that she looked none the worse for wear.

"Just hoping you're okay, Chief." was all he said.

"I'm fine, Lt. Let's go, shall we? We have a victim waiting. You can brief me as we drive." Brenda fell into step beside him.

"You want me to drive you? What about Gabriel?" Andy was surprised.

"I'm sure he'll be fine with Sanchez. Let's go." Brenda marched through the murder room, followed by her team. It was time for work, to forget whatever silly dreams she'd had, to get down to her job. Just because her personal life was imploding didn't mean her professional life would. She was beginning to feel like nothing was ever going to be right in her world again and she didn't like it. Not at all.


	7. Chapter 7

It had been a long, hard day for Brenda. As usual, she was late arriving home, having stayed as long as she could working on the case. It wasn't even a matter of avoiding Fritz that she'd stayed, they'd come up with a lead and had stayed to work it. They all had. Tired, they'd finally called it a night and Brenda had gone home. And straight into another confrontation with Fritz.

The apartment was in darkness when she opened the door, the only light coming from the bedroom. She turned the lights on in the living room, putting her purse and coat down on the couch, setting dinner on the table and then going in the direction of the only light in the house. She entered the bedroom finding Fritz sitting on the bed, waiting for her.

"What are you sitting in here for? I've brought supper home." Brenda said.

"Well, Brenda, I wasn't even sure if you'd be coming home. You didn't bother to say goodbye this morning. In a hurry to get to work?" Fritz had the tone in his voice that indicated that tonight wasn't going to be any better than last night.

"Of course I was coming home. I'm only late because we were working on this case. Besides, I want to apologize for last night. I know you don't like talking about Will. I shouldn't have brought it up." Once again, Brenda was apologizing for something.

"Brenda, I've noticed a change in you the last month or so. We really need to talk." Fritz looked at the woman he loved, hurt in his eyes.

"Well, of course, Fritzy. But I haven't changed. I don't think I've changed." Brenda looked confused.

"Are you having an affair with someone? You won't talk to me anymore. When we do talk, we argue. You get defensive about Pope. You won't take the job that you should take. What is wrong with this picture?" Fritz spewed stuff out, like he was trying to get everything off his chest at one time.

Brenda was caught offguard by the accusation. She wasn't having an affair, but maybe what her and Andy were doing could be misconstrued as such. They'd become close since his attack, but she'd never crossed the line with him. This was hitting close to home.

"Why would you think I'm having an affair? I've never cheated on you, Fritz. Why would you ask that?" Brenda questioned.

"Because, you're always finding excuses to go to work early, or stay at work late. You get defensive when I say anything about Pope. You're helping him keep his job, at least so far. Are you having an affair with him?" Fritz couldn't help himself.

Brenda almost burst out laughing. He thought she was having an affair with Will? After all these years, he was still certain that something was going to happen between the two of them. No matter how many times she'd told Fritz it would never happen, he was still looking for something to have happened between the two of them. It frustrated her, but she knew she had to tread carefully on this subject.

"I'm not having an affair with Will. I'm not having an affair with anyone!" Brenda said emphatically.

"Then what's wrong? Us finally talking about my problem was suppose to bring us closer together. Instead, we're drifting apart. Why?" Fritz pressed on.

"I don't know what's wrong! I don't feel like I can talk to you about anything anymore. Especially Will. I don't want him to be fired. I want him to stay at his job. I like the way things are. Why do things have to change? And it's not because I still love him, or am having an affair with him. He's my friend. That's all. And this job means the world to him. But every time I try and talk to you about it, you're the one who gets defensive. Thinks there is more to us than what there has been in years." Brenda fumed.

"Then why do you go to work early? Stay so late? You don't have cases keeping you there all the time." Fritz spat back.

"Because it's easier to sit in my office and think than it is to be at home facing you!" Brenda let out.

It was like a slap in the face to Fritz. She was using work to avoid him, to avoid being alone with him. The woman he loved didn't want to be around him. He got up from the bed to come and face her.

"I'm that bad to live with? I love you, Brenda. I've gone out on a limb for you so many times. But you don't want to be in the same room with me sometimes?" His voice was low.

"It's not that, Fritz. I just feel like we've been fighting all the time. Or nitpicking, or just generally being miserable. And I avoid it. I'm good at avoiding things that are unpleasant. And lately, we've been really unpleasant to one another." Brenda sighed.

"So what do we do? What do you want, Brenda? We can't go on like this and survive as a couple. We need to communicate. And we haven't been." Fritz ran his fingers through his hair.

"I don't know, Fritz. I've been feeling that lately. I don't know what to do." Brenda sat down on the edge of the bed, head in hands.

Fritz sat down beside her, taking her hand. She looked at him, seeing the man she loved, but also all the problems they were facing. She really didn't know what to do.

"Maybe we should get some counselling. Talk all this through, get some insight into our relationship. We're drifting apart, especially if you think you can't tell me things." Fritz was trying to be understanding, but he was upset and hurt.

"If you think it would help. Maybe if we were apart for awhile, it might help. Right now, all we're doing is being angry at one another. I want to work on this, on us, Fritz. I do love you. I don't know what's the matter with me." She rested her head on his shoulder.

"You want a trial separation? You think that's the solution?" Fritz was getting upset again.

"Well, us avoiding one another and fighting all the time certainly isn't! Maybe we just need time to realize what we mean to one another. That's being forgotten in all of this." Brenda argued.

"Whatever you want, Brenda. It's always whatever you want." Fritz got up, pacing the room.

"It's not always whatever I want! I've tried changing for you, Fritz, I really have. It's taken a lot out of me, but I really have tried."

"If you were really trying, I wouldn't still believe you're having an affair with Pope. There's something not right in your dependence on him staying as Assistant Chief. Delk doesn't want him there. And you not taking the position isn't helping you keep Major Crimes around. You'll be lucky if he doesn't disband it just because you haven't taken the position." Fritz argued.

"You really think Delk would do that? Oh, right, I forgot, he's your new "buddy". You talk about a lot of things behind my back." Brenda was in a fighting mood again. "You haven't said anything about your affair suspicions to him, have you? Because if you have, that's just dirty, Fritz."

"Just because I'm friends with Delk doesn't mean I tell him everything. I'm not dirty, Brenda." He fumed back.

"Listen, I don't want to spend another night arguing, Fritz. I didn't sleep much last night, I'm tired, I'm worn out. And at this rate, we're going to say a lot of things we both regret. I think I'm just going to go stay in a hotel for the night and we'll talk when we're both more rational." Brenda went to leave the bedroom.

"That's your solution, to just walk away?" Fritz followed her.

"I told you, at the rate we're going, we'll both say things we'll regret. It's best if one of us just takes a time out. I'm willing to do that." Brenda said. She turned and went back to the bedroom, grabbing a bag out of the closet. She threw some items in it, trying to figure out what she'd need for a couple of days.

"So we're doing things your way again. That's just terrific, Brenda." Fritz said as he followed her.

"Give it a couple of days, Fritz. Maybe we just need a little time away from each other, to put things in perspective. To get our heads straight." Brenda couldn't believe she was doing this. She hated change more than anyone, and here she was, making a change that may be irreversible.

"Fine, Brenda, fine. Do things your way. I hope you're happy with the outcome." Fritz turned and left the room, leaving Brenda to finish throwing a few more things in her overnight bag.

She finished up, giving a last look around the bedroom. So many happy times in here, and yet, she was leaving it. She didn't know what was wrong with her. She just knew she couldn't take the sniping and the fighting anymore. She walked back out, looking at Fritz standing in the living room.

"It's not forever, you know. I'm sure we'll work through this. Let me know about the counselling, and I'll be there. I will, Fritz."

"You keep thinking that, Brenda. I'll believe it when I see it." Fritz turned from her, angry.

Brenda came up behind him and gave him a hug. "I will, Fritz. I'm not ready to give up on us."

"Then why does it feel like you are?"

"I don't know, Fritz. I don't know." She stood back, releasing him, heading for the door.

"Call me tomorrow. I'll see you later." Brenda opened the door and walked out. Not believing all that had happened in the space of what could only have been a few minutes, she got in her car and sat for a minute. Now she really did need to talk to someone about what had just happened. She pulled her phone out of her purse and dialled a familiar number. She was relieved when Andy picked up.

"Andy, are you home? I really need someone to talk to. Could I come over?" She didn't know why she automatically called him. It was like Fritz said, she hadn't been talking to him about things, it was someone else she'd been turning to. He just hadn't guessed the right man.

"Anytime, Chief. I'm just getting ready to have supper. I can wait, if you'd like to eat with me." he offered.

"I'll be there in a few minutes. I don't have much of an appetite. I just really need a friend right now. And they are in short supply." Brenda sighed.

"Anytime you need to talk, I'm here, Chief. I'll set out an extra plate, just in case." Andy wondered what had happened in the short time since he'd last seen her.

"And Andy?" Brenda said.

"What, Chief?"

"You can call me Brenda." With that, she hung up the phone and started the car.


	8. Chapter 8

Brenda pulled up in front of Flynn's house and for the first time, felt an intense nervousness. _What was she doing here?_she wondered to herself. She'd just left behind her husband, to try and figure out things between them, to take a mini-break from one another for just a little bit. He suspected her of cheating as it was, so what would he think if he knew she was at Flynn's house? Not anything good, she decided. She sighed, sitting in her car for a bit, confusion enveloping her. Finally, she grabbed her purse, locked her car and went to the door. Ringing the doorbell, she stood and waited.

It didn't take long for Andy to open the door. The smell of something wonderful was in the background, he'd obviously cooked something and Brenda realized how hungry she was. She'd left behind the meal she'd brought home for her and Fritz, and she couldn't even remember when she'd had lunch that day.

"Hey, Chief. Supper's almost ready. Come on in." Andy stood back, as she passed by him on the way in.

"What are you makin'? It smells delicious." Brenda asked, putting her purse down on a chair in his living room. She shrugged out of her trench coat, leaving it with her purse.

"A vegetarian lasagna. I hope you like it. I'd bought the supplies on the way home from work. Wasn't expecting company, but there is more than enough for two. I always have leftovers when I do make it." Andy was babbling, and it amused Brenda.

"I'm sure I'll love it. I didn't mean to intrude on you. Just needed a friendly ear, that's all." Brenda turned, and walked to his kitchen. He followed along behind her. The table was set for two, and Brenda took a seat at the one spot. Andy went to the oven and retrieved the lasagna, putting it on the table. He grabbed some rolls in a basket and set it down also. He dished some onto Brenda's plate before settling in and serving himself. Silence enveloped them as they sat there enjoying the meal. It almost seemed like things were normal between them, back a few weeks ago where she'd brought him breakfast.

Afterwards, she helped him with the dishes, the two standing there, him washing, her drying, making quick work of the dirty dishes. As they stood there, Andy finally asked her what had gone on to bring her to his door tonight.

"What happened now?" Andy said simply. It was always something between Brenda and her husband.

Brenda studied the dish she was drying intently, rubbing at invisible dirt. Finally, she spoke. "Fritz and I are taking a break right now. I think we need a little time apart to put things in perspective. He thinks I'm having an affair with Will." Brenda let everything out, barely breathing.

"Chief Pope and you? Why would he be worried about that?" Andy wondered.

"Will and I have been friends for years. Apparently, Fritz isn't happy that I won't take Will's position as Assistant Chief. He thinks I'm protecting Will. That I have feelings for him and vice versa." Brenda looked down.

Andy didn't know what to say. He highly doubted the Chief had feelings for Pope, at least not now. But who was he to say?

"Did you tell him there was nothing going on?"

"Yes, but I'm not sure he believed me. I suggested that maybe we needed to take a little break, work things out. We're just making each other miserable right now. And since it was my idea, I offered to be the one to leave temporarily. So, after I leave here, I need to find myself a place to stay for the night." Brenda wondered again why she was telling Flynn.

"You can camp out in my spare room if you want. The kids aren't here for a visit until the weekend, so it's free and clear. I don't mind." Andy said, automatically offering her the space.

"I'm not sure that's a good idea, Andy. If Fritz were to find out, I think he'd be upset even more." Brenda didn't know what to say.

"Why would he be more upset? I'm just your employee, your teammate. Nothing to worry about here." Andy put himself down, seemingly, trying to reassure her.

"You know there is more to our friendship than that. It's been changing ever since you were attacked. I think we both know that." Brenda almost whispered. Brenda put the dish down and slid down the cabinet, sitting on Andy's floor. He followed suit, looking at her strangely as he finally settled in.

"Yeah, things have been changing. But it's nothing, Chief. You just needed someone to talk to. I've been here for that. I'm sure things will return to normal between you and your husband. You both have been incredibly stressed." Andy tried to tell himself this was the right thing to do, remind her she was married, that he was nothing to her in the grand scheme of things.

Brenda looked at him, surprised by Andy once again. She'd thought he'd take advantage of the situation, put the moves on her when he'd found out about the separation. Instead, he was a gentleman, pushing her back towards her husband. Maybe she should just go home and work things out with Fritz now, she thought again, before looking into those brown eyes of Andy's again. Suddenly, Andy darted his head forward towards hers, catching her lips in a kiss. She didn't protest, she didn't pull back, she kissed him back instead. It was sweet and gentle, nothing like she'd thought it would be. At that point, her conscious took over and she broke the kiss, getting up off of the floor.

"I think maybe I should go. I'm going to find a hotel room for the night. Thanks for the offer of the room though, Andy. I appreciate it." Brenda was flustered. She'd wanted to kiss Andy. She wasn't angry at him, she felt guilty as hell though. Maybe that's what Fritz had been noticing. She'd been moving closer to someone, but it wasn't Will. He just hadn't picked up on the fact of who it was.

Andy got up off the floor, sorry he'd kissed her. He'd ruined everything between them. His heart felt heavy. "Don't go, Brenda. I promise I won't do that again. I'm sorry. I shouldn't have."

"No, no, it's not something to be sorry for Andy. I've wondered what it would be like for awhile. It's just that things with Fritz are so confused right now. I'm still married. I want to save my marriage. At least I think I do." Brenda trailed off. She wasn't sure of anything right now, but to tell the man you'd just shared a kiss with that she wanted to save her marriage? Not her smoothest moment.

Andy bowed his head. Of course she wanted to save her marriage. Whatever was between them was nothing in the grand scheme of things. She was right, maybe she should just go, figure things out. His heart gave a little lurch, already hurting as he realized she still wanted her husband. He followed her to the living room, where she'd left her purse.

She almost got out the door. She hesitated though. Her heart racing, she turned back to Andy. She was going to speak, instead she was overcome by the urge to kiss him again. Which she did. He didn't back away, he kissed her hungrily, not gentle like he had in the kitchen. They stood there for a long time, neither wanting this brief time to end. When it did, she rested her head on his chest.

"I'm confused, Andy. I'm sorry, I really am." Brenda whispered.

"You're not the only one." Andy held her close.

"Don't hate me, please."

Andy didn't say anything, he just held her close. He really didn't know what to say or do at this moment. More than anything, he wanted her. Wanted her badly. But, as usual, the ball was in her court. He wouldn't do anything to hurt her, not when she was so confused. He just stood with his arms around her, holding her close.

"I should go. Really. Before we do something we may both regret." She patted his chest, trying to convince herself that she should go.

"I wouldn't regret it. Not at all." Andy said in a tone that made Brenda look up at him. What she seen in his eyes made her blush.

"But I would. As much as I would love to stay, I have to go. I need to figure things out. I'm not asking you to wait for me or anything, Andy. I just need some time to figure out what I want. Right now, I have no idea."

Again, Andy didn't say anything, just gave silent acceptance. When she picked up her purse to go, he really wanted to pull her to him again, kiss her, have her stay. Instead, he stood by and watched. It was killing him.

"I'll see you tomorrow, Andy. I will." It was like Brenda was trying to convince herself to go out that door. Her reluctance came through loud and clear.

"Sure, Chief, sure. Remember, I'm here anytime you want to talk. And the offer of the spare room is still open."

"Thanks, Andy. I appreciate it." Brenda tightened the belt on her trench coat and opened the door. She had to leave, she told herself. "Goodnight, Andy."

"Goodnight, Chief." Andy watched as she got into her car and pulled away. Going back into the house, he thought of her, of the kisses they'd shared and decided one thing. He was going to do everything he could to win her. Regardless if his heart got broken in the process.


	9. Chapter 9

Brenda checked into a hotel, scared and unsure. This was not like her. Kissing Andy had been an unexpected surprise, but she couldn't just fall into anything with him, she'd barely left her husband four hours ago. She wasn't good with change, she was the first to admit that, but after all this time, she found the thought of Flynn intriguing. They'd hated each other in the beginning, had tolerated each other for a long time, and had finally become friends in the last couple of years. Now, she had to admit, they were on the verge of changing their relationship once again.

Brenda unpacked her bag, starting to get ready for bed. She checked her phone and seen that Fritz had phoned. Sighing, she called him back. He answered on the first ring.

"I've been trying to get a hold of you, Brenda. I think you should just come home. I don't want you to leave. I promise I won't accuse you of anything again. I should have trusted you. I'm sorry." Fritz let it all out, not giving her a chance to speak til he finished.

Brenda wavered. She did miss him. But the kiss with Andy loomed large in her mind. She was feeling things for him that as a married woman she shouldn't have. She was torn.

"I don't know, Fritz. I just think we need some time to put things in perspective. Some time apart will help us, let us know what we do want." Brenda said.

"I do know what I want, Brenda. I want you, I want you home. I love you, I know you love me. It's ridiculous that you're in some hotel room when you could be here." Fritz's frustration was coming through loud and clear.

"I need to think, Fritz. I'm just going to stay here tonight, I'll talk to you tomorrow. I just need some time."

"Fine, Brenda. When you figure out what you want, let me know. Again, it's always about what you want." He hung up on her.

Brenda stared at her phone, stunned he'd hung up on her. She didn't know what to do. Yes, taking some time apart was a surprise to her as well as him, but she was trying to make things easier on both of them. She really did think some time apart would help them. Another part of her, however, disagreed. What was the real reason, after all this time, all of their other fights and arguments, had she chosen now to take a breather? Her thoughts drifted to the man who was becoming more than just a friend. She could admit to herself, now that she was alone, that that may have had something to do with it. Fritz wasn't wrong in his suspicions, he was just wrong about who it was that Brenda was spending time with.

She curled up under the covers, determined to get some sleep, but her mind had other ideas. She didn't know what to do, if she were honest with herself. There was the expected, good girl thing to do, stay with her husband, work things out, go forward in her committed relationship. But whatever was between her and Flynn, she was intrigued. What had started as an adversarial relationship had turned to friendship, and she knew they were on the brink of something more. And that's what bothered her. She didn't want to have an affair. It wasn't fair to Fritz or Andy. Really not to Fritz. She had inadvertently been cheating with Will when they were together, but she hadn't known it at the time. This, if she went forward with what that kiss promised, she would be going into with eyes wide open.

She turned over, confusion clouding her thoughts. When did everything become so complicated?, she wondered. She thought about it, and realized that when Andy had been attacked, the fear of losing him had awakened something within her. It was why she'd become protective of him, looking after him in the days after the attack. And it was why she hadn't told Fritz what she was doing. The whole thing was a mess. She dozed lightly, remembering the kisses that she'd shared with Andy. It awakened her, and she thought again of him. She'd liked kissing him, and couldn't deny that she'd do it again if she had the opportunity. And that is what bothered her.

Morning came and she awakened with a start, having no idea when she'd finally drifted off. Her mind had beaten her up all night, going back and forth on what to do about her personal life. She hauled herself out of bed and into the shower. Afterwards, she readied for work, not quite ready to face seeing Flynn. She didn't know how she was going to act around him, and vice versa. Would anyone notice any difference? Would Flynn tell Provenza? All these things flowed through her mind, not helping her mood any.

She stopped for breakfast at the hotel restaurant and got a coffee to go. Finally, she arrived at work, ready for the day, however uncomfortable she was. Her worry was for nothing. Flynn acted his normal self, nothing seemed out of the ordinary in the way he was around her. She tried not to act differently around him. But when he gave her one of those smiles of his when they were all working on the case, she was struck by something that made her weak in the knees. She told herself it was silly, that it was only a smile, a very handsome smile. Somewhere in her mind, she finally realized that she did know what she wanted. And what she wanted was Andy Flynn, regardless of the consequences that may arise from her taking action on it.

Brenda left the team to work on things and went to her office. Andy's eyes followed her as she left the room, watching her every move. Something was different today, he could tell. As much as she was trying to act as if nothing had really happened, he could tell she'd been affected as much as him by the kiss the night before. She wasn't acting as awkward as he thought she might, but something was different in her. Leaving the team, he followed her to the office, knocking on her door before entering.

"Lt. Flynn, what can I do for you?" Brenda asked.

"Um, Chief, Brenda, I just wondered if you wanted to talk about what happened last night. I mean, not here, of course, but if you'd like to grab a bite to eat tonight. My treat, anywhere you want to go." Andy came out and asked her.

Brenda looked at him in surprise. She didn't know what to say.

"Don't worry, Chief, it's not a date. I just thought we needed to talk, figure out where things might be going. I think I at least deserve that." Andy said. He meant it when he said he was going to pursue her.

"Okay, Andy, I do think we need to talk. You can follow me to my hotel after work and we'll go from there."

"Great. I really think we need to work a few things out." He gave her that crooked smirk again.

Brenda actually blushed, and had no idea why. It wasn't anything, she told herself. She did deserve to let him know which direction they were going in. And she needed to figure that out to. She sighed, her heart was telling her one thing, her mind another, and she had no idea which one she was going to follow.

He got up and left her office, her eyes never leaving his retreating figure. She felt better suddenly. She was going to be around Andy lately, and she liked that idea. She just had to figure out what she was going to tell him.

The rest of the day passed quickly and before they knew it, it was time to leave the office. As promised, Andy followed her to the hotel, where she parked her car. She climbed in beside him and he drove to a restaurant he knew not too far away. He certainly wasn't wasting any time and she didn't much care where they went, just some place where they could talk. They were seated in no time and put their orders in. An awkward silence enveloped them, before Brenda finally broke it.

"It's a nice place, Andy. Do you come here alot? They seem to know you quite well. At least the waitress does." Brenda was curious about that.

"I'm a regular, it's my place of choice when I eat out. I bring the kids here alot when I have them. Not that I can't cook, but when we go out and do things, I bring them here, not a fast food joint. The food is much better."

"Well, it's very nice. Very homey." Brenda sipped her coffee, glancing around the place.

"Chief, Brenda, I just really need to know something." Andy broke the small talk, ready to get to the issue at hand.

Brenda knew what he wanted to talk about. It was why they were here. To figure out where things stood between them. But she still didn't really know. "Andy..."

"Don't tell me the kiss didn't mean anything. You know it did. I just want to know, is there a chance between us, any at all? Or am I wasting my time, hoping that you'll want something more with me and not go back to him." Andy let it all out.

"It did mean something. That's why I'm so confused. I don't want to hurt anyone." Brenda looked down at the cup in her hands.

"It's too late for that, Brenda. Whatever does happen, someone is going to be hurt in the end." Andy reached out and grabbed her one hand, detaching it from the coffee cup, clutching it. "Tell me I have a chance. I need to hear that."

Brenda looked up at him, seeing the pleading look in his eyes. She looked down at his hand holding hers, and it came to her. She did want something with him, something more than just friendship. As hard as she'd told herself that it was wrong, that she was married, that she had a man who loved her, her feelings couldn't be denied. She was feeling something very strong for the man she sat with.

"You have a chance. I shouldn't feel anything for you, but I do. I can't help it, I can't."

Andy broke out into a smile, some of the tightness in his chest leaving him. He had a chance with her. She was giving him a chance.

There talk was cut off by the arrival of the waitress with their meals. He released her hand, not really wanting to, but doing so anyway. They ate their meal, making occasional small talk, both not really knowing where to go from here. How did one date a newly separated woman, who's husband's worklife was entangled with theirs? Even though she was giving him a chance, he had no idea how to proceed.

They finished up and left the restaurant. He'd paid for their meal, and for all him telling her that it wasn't a date, it sure felt like one, especially when he took her hand and walked back to the car with her. He opened the door for her and smiled as she settled in. It was a short drive back to the hotel, and he pulled into an empty parking space. He really didn't want to leave her. He liked spending time with her.

"Well, here we are." Brenda said, her hands clutching at her purse, not quite ready to leave the vehicle, at least not without him. "Would you like to come up? It's not much, but it's my temporary home."

"About that. I have a spare room you can use to you figure things out. It will cost you a lot less than this place." Andy offered, trying to be considerate.

"I'll think about it. I know I can't stay here forever. I may have to move into the spare bedroom at the apartment for awhile, til Fritz and I figure things out." Brenda looked out the window of the car. She reached for the door handle, and got out of the car. Andy followed suit, determined to see her to her door.

They walked in together, not saying much, just getting into the elevator and going up to her room. They stopped at her room door, Brenda letting them in, flipping the light on revealing a typical hotel room. She suddenly felt nervous. Andy watched her, seeing a shiver of nervousness run through her. He approached her, wanting to calm her nerves. He put his hand on her arm and she whirled around. They were in very close proximity to one another. He suddenly drew her into a hug, intended as a goodbye. As they held onto one another, something shifted for both of them. They both tightened the embrace, then drew back from one another. Looking each other in the eye, both breathing heavier then before, they suddenly crashed together, kissing as if they could not get enough.

Brenda thought to herself, "Oh, my god, I can't believe I'm doing this! What the hell am I doing?", yet, she did not draw back from the kiss or the embrace. She wrapped her arms tighter around him, her hands snaking through his hair.

As for Andy, he let his hands do the wandering. He'd been wanting to do this for so long, he couldn't believe that she was in his arms now, apparently enjoying the fact that their mouths were exploring one another. Caught up in the moment, he suddenly hitched Brenda up, her legs going around his waist, pulling each other closer. She wasn't objecting, so he decided to go for broke, kissing the skin around her neck, feathering her collarbone with tiny strokes of his tongue. He heard her moan, and recaptured her mouth, making his claim for it.

For her part, Brenda tightened her grip on his waist with her legs. He obviously was aroused by her, she had evidence of that fact. She felt a shock go through her body, unbelieving that this was happening. And she didn't want to say no, she wanted him as much as he did her. Somehow, he'd started work on her blouse, the buttons coming undone one at a time, him skillfully taking her shirt off while at the same time never breaking with kissing. Hurriedly, she worked on the buttons of his shirt, not wanting to be the only one partially naked. She let her legs relax their grip on his waist, standing for a moment as she started working on his belt buckle. She looked at him, surprised by her boldness. He looked damn fine for his age, her knees weak at the sight of him. She finally succeeded in undoing his belt, working on the zipper. For his part, he started on her skirt, unzipping it til it fell on the floor of the room.

Reclaiming his territory, he hitched her up against his waist again, loving the feel of those legs around him. He loved those legs regardless of anything. Always had. With nothing but a few thin wisps of material, he made short work of them too, thanking his lucky stars she'd worn a front clasp bra. He bent down to kiss her. The skin on skin feel finally broke her, she wanted more and wanted it now. Manoeuvring their way to the bed, he gave her one last chance to back out, before this became more than they'd ever expected today. She declined the chance of escape, not wanting to be anywhere but near this man, to feel him, to be with him. And with that, they joined, both wanting to be exactly where they were.

Afterwards, they lay cuddled on the bed, him dozing, her laying on her side watching him sleep. Brenda thought he looked so much younger in sleep, the cares and worries gone for a little while. She snuggled into him more, not wanting this evening to end. She was the happiest she'd been for a long time. She drew lazy lines on his bare skin, and this woke him up. He looked at her, smiling, capturing her hand and bringing it to his lips.

"I hope this is what you wanted. I don't think we've done anything wrong." he whispered to her.

"I know. It's just so soon." Brenda lay her head on his shoulder.

"Don't worry, I won't tell anyone. I guess this means I really do have a chance then?"

"I don't just sleep with anyone, Andy. You know that."

"I know that. I just want to be a part of your life." He kissed her gently on the forehead.

Brenda lay there, thinking about things. She didn't feel bad about what had happened. Things had been leading to it for awhile, but she did feel bad that she really hadn't worked things out with Fritz yet. She hadn't had Andy come up here, intending to sleep with him either. Things were moving so fast between them. Eventually she was going to have to figure out what to do about things. But she was getting ahead of herself. She didn't know if things between her and Andy would work out. And she didn't want to burn any bridges with Fritz. Not yet.

"I think I'll take you up on that offer of the spare room, Andy." Where did that come from?, she asked herself. That would just lead to more opportunities for things like this to happen and she didn't know whether that was a good thing.

"My door is always open for you, Brenda." Andy smiled. He felt the happiest and most relaxed he had in awhile. He held her close, not going anywhere. He liked where he was and wasn't leaving. For now, they were together and that's all that mattered to the two of them. The consequences, if any, would come later, for better or worse.


	10. Chapter 10

Brenda awoke sometime in the night, disoriented, still not used to sleeping in a hotel. She felt the arm draped over her, a warm body holding her tightly and shivered. It wasn't Fritz and she hadn't slept with another man in a long time. She felt odd about that. Technically, she was cheating on her husband. That fact bothered her. Yes, she was separated, but they were suppose to be working on things, see if they could make a go of it. Instead, within days of her separation, she was sleeping with someone else. She knew that thinking about this was not going to allow her to get any more rest and tried to forget about this.

It didn't work. She wasn't sorry she'd slept with Andy. Far from it, she'd enjoyed herself. However, it still didn't make it right. If Fritz were to find out, it wouldn't be good. She gave up the fight to sleep and slipped out of bed, heading for the shower. Andy slept on, and she smiled as she looked at him. Never would she have thought she'd end up here, like this, with him. She worried though. She had no idea what this was going to lead to. She put on her robe and walked into the bathroom, locking the door behind her. She just needed time to think, something she hadn't actually done much of in the last few days.

She put the shower on and slipped into it. Her thoughts plagued her as the hot water poured over her. She slipped to the floor of the shower, knees up to her chin. Maybe it wasn't the best idea to move in to Andy's spare room. It was inviting temptation, not to mention having to explain to Fritz where she was. She didn't know what other options were best though. It wasn't as if she had a girlfriend she could move in with. The closest thing to a woman friend she had was Sharon Raydor. Even that wasn't a true friendship. They weren't at the point where Brenda felt she could go to her with a problem such as this. Even if they were closer friends, it wasn't as if Brenda was going to announce to her that she was sleeping with a co-worker. She liked her job, thank you very much, and was not in a hurry to go anywhere. And there lay her problem. If she didn't go back to Fritz, if she chose instead to see where things went with Andy, their jobs were at stake. One of them would have to transfer, effectively breaking up her unit. And she wasn't ready for that, not yet. The unknown scared her.

Back in the bedroom, Andy started to stir. As he came to, memories of the previous evening flooded his mind and he looked for Brenda. She was gone from the bed, but he heard the shower. He settled back into the bed, not quite ready to leave it yet. For all his swagger and bravado, Andy was not a man who slept around. Waking up in a strange bed was not the norm for him. And yet, here he was, with _her_, someone that had always been just out of reach. And now, for the time being, she was his. When she'd said last evening that she was going to give him a chance, he'd been happy. But kissing her, holding her, having her, it was everything he'd been thinking about for so long. For this, he was practically delirious.

However, he didn't know what to do now. He'd never thought of the possibility that Brenda and him might ever get to this point. So, what happened now? He didn't know if they'd ever do this again. Maybe it was a one time thing, a very enjoyable time, but once none the less. Now that he'd been with her, it scared him that she'd turn around and return to her husband. He felt uneasy about that, the fear that this interlude was just that, an interlude. He sighed, wishing she'd come back and lay in his arms, alleviate some of his fears.

As he thought that, the bathroom door opened and she came out, towel drying her hair. Brenda seen that Andy was awake and gave him a shy smile.

"What are you doing up? You should sleep. We've got a few hours before work." Brenda said.

"I could ask you the same thing." Andy watched her, looking for any sense of embarrassment or discomfort in her demeanour. He didn't see any. She came and sat down on the bed beside him.

"Couldn't sleep anymore. Had a few things on my mind." Brenda said.

"Good things?" Andy reached up and cupped her face, one finger stroking her chin.

"Some good things. Others not so good." Brenda said.

"Anything I can help you with?" He lifted himself up on his good arm, kissing her chin.

"Not really. I'm just really confused about everything. The last few days, everything has just gone so fast. Last night, what we did, it happened way too soon. Not that I didn't enjoy it. Not that it won't happen again. I'm not saying that. I'm just saying maybe we should have gone a little slower." Brenda felt the disappointment in him and felt badly about it.

"I know this was not something I was expecting either. But I'm willing to take this at whatever pace you want. You said you'd give me a chance. Please don't get scared and end this between us." Andy said to her.

"I'm not ending things, Andy. I don't want to do that and I wouldn't do that to you. To be honest, I'm just scared. Fritz is expecting us to work things out, but I don't know what I want. You, you've confused everything in my life. I never expected to have feelings for you. But I do. I have a lot of feelings for you." Brenda said sadly.

Andy didn't say anything else, just kissed her gently on the lips. He pulled her close to him, onto the bed with him, and continued kissing her. She returned the kiss. She did enjoy that. She finally stopped worrying as she threw herself into the kiss. Andy was the one who broke the kiss first.

"I'm sorry, I know you want to go slower, and if we keep kissing..." he said sheepishly.

Brenda sighed. He was right. The argument she'd just raised was going to go straight out the window if they'd kept kissing. And then, Brenda found that she didn't care.

"Andy, shut up and kiss me. I think too much. You don't listen to me any other time, why start now?" Brenda said as she reached in to kiss him. He followed her orders, kissing her deeply, thinking "so much for taking things slowly", not that he minded. He let his hands wander, undoing the belt of her robe, liking the discovery that she had nothing on underneath it. His hands wandered upwards, one hand cupping her breast, which he thumbed gently. She shivered at his touch, giving a soft moan. He took that as the go ahead for something more. What followed was a repeat of their activities of the previous evening, something which neither one complained about.

Afterwards, they curled up together once again, and finally Brenda's mind was able to slow down and she drifted into a contented sleep. Eventually she would figure things out, but for now, she was a happy woman, content with who she was with and what they had done. She'd take that for what it was worth now, because while she had showered, she'd had a feeling there wouldn't be very much to be happy about in the near future. The feelings that she was having for Andy were something deeper than just wanting a fling with him. And if she were truly falling for him, like she thought she was, her personal life and professional life were both going to be very rocky and she hoped that whatever this was between them would be able to survive what lay ahead.


	11. Chapter 11

Brenda arrived at headquarters early. Andy had gone home to shower and change and she'd left the hotel shortly afterwards, ready to start her day. She still didn't know how she felt about having spent the night with him, but she had to figure out how to make this work and not affect their worklife. Plus there was the little fact she did not want anyone to know about them, none whatsoever.

She let herself into her office, and immediately noticed the flower arrangement sitting on her desk. She wondered who had left it there, who would have had access to her office. A quick look at the card revealed that the arrangement was from Fritz.

"Brenda, I love you. Don't ever forget that. Let's go out to dinner tonight, talk things through. I want you to come home. Fritz."

She stared at the card. She actually wasn't sure how she felt. Thinking things through,she supposed she did owe him a chance to talk. She'd left so abruptly the other night and the last couple of days had just flown past. And she definitely hadn't been thinking of working things out last night, no, not when she'd been with Andy. The thoughts had come in the middle of the night when her conscience had bothered her that she had a man who loved her who had no idea how conflicted she was.

Brenda's thoughts turned to the other man in her life now, and he was in her life. She didn't just sleep with anyone, she'd never been that kind of girl. And yet, here she now was, torn between two men. One she'd vowed to love and cherish, the other one, well, he made her feel something she hadn't in a long time. She had feelings for both of them. Deep feelings. Looking at the card again, she sighed. She went into her bag, looking for her cellphone. She dialled his number.

"Hi Fritz. Sorry to call so early. I just wanted to thank you for the lovely flowers. They're really beautiful." Brenda felt almost stilted in her conversation, which was odd. She'd been married to the man for years, been with him for four years before that.

"I mean it, Brenda. I love you. Where do you want to go to dinner?" He didn't wait to see if she was saying yes to dinner, he just assumed her phoning meant that she'd agreed to go.

"I'm not sure it's a good idea, Fritz. I mean..." Brenda was cut off by Fritz.

"I'm not taking no for an answer, Brenda. I think we really need to talk, there was a lot left unsaid the other night. At least give me a chance. This is not what I wanted. I love you and want you to come home."

Brenda wavered and caved, after listening to his pleadings. "Fine, Fritz, fine. I'll come by the house and we can go from there. How about the little Italian place we go to sometimes?"

"Perfect. I'll see you after work." Fritz disconnected then, leaving Brenda standing there with the phone to her ear. She slowly lowered it, shutting it off and putting it back in her purse.

Eight-thirty in the morning and she had the start of a headache. As she rubbed her temples, she watched as Andy came in carrying a cup of coffee, going to his desk and setting it down. He caught sight of her watching him, and gave a small grin to her. She couldn't help but smile back, but she broke it off, remembering that she'd just accepted a dinner invitation with her _husband_.

Out in the murder room, Andy watched as Brenda broke eye contact with him. Something was wrong, he could tell by looking at her. He then noticed the flowers sitting on her desk and fear rippled through him. They had to be from Agent Howard, they had to be. It scared him and yet he knew he had no right to expect anything less than that from him. The man obviously loved his wife, he just didn't know how to treat her right all the time. Still, he thought of Brenda as a free woman now. One that he was involved with. Closely. He got up and went to her office, needing to know where he stood.

Andy stopped at her door, and knocked before walking in.

"You have a minute?" he asked her.

"Sure, come on in. What can I do for you?" Brenda asked, struggling to be cheerful.

"Is something the matter? You don't seem yourself this morning. Are you regretting what happened last night?" Andy asked her outright. He was scared that they were moving way too fast and that she was putting the brakes on everything.

"Just a headache is all, Andy. It's not helped by the smell of these flowers. They're very strong smelling." Brenda gave a weak smile.

"Do you have anything you want to tell me?" Andy pressed her. If she wanted to dump him now that the cold light of morning was here, he wanted it over and done with, like ripping a bandage off.

Brenda looked at the flowers guiltily. She shouldn't feel guilty, but she did. "I'm going out to dinner with Fritz tonight. To talk things over."

"Are you getting back together with him? Were we a one time only thing?" Andy's heart was aching.

"I don't know what I'm doing, Andy. For now, I'm going out to dinner to talk with Fritz. I really did leave very abruptly the other night, and he just wants to talk about things. And no, we aren't a one time only thing, Andy." Brenda was walking a fine line here.

"I understand he's your husband. It's just you said I had a chance."

"You do, Andy, you do. But I have to hear him out. I'm sorry, but I do. He's been a part of my life for so long, he deserves at least that." Brenda rubbed her temples again.

"And I deserve to know where we stand, Brenda. Are we in a relationship? Are we just in this for the sex? Am I just giving you an excuse to end a marriage that you should never have entered into in the first place?" Andy didn't know why he was saying these things, he was just hurt she was going to dinner with _him._

"Andy, don't go there." Brenda warned in a low voice.

"Why not? Last night, I thought we had something, something more than I ever could hope for with you. Now, this morning, you're going to dinner with him. I'm sorry, I'm just angry. I don't want you to."

"Please don't act like that. Do you know that's one of the reasons I left Fritz to begin with? Because he couldn't trust me. I like you Andy, I really do. Please just be calm about this."

Andy stopped in his tracks when she said that. She was right. They were too early in this relationship for him to be so overprotective and overbearing. To make this work, he did have to trust her. She had every right in the world to go out with the man who was still her husband. It hurt him to admit it. He was just scared she'd choose to go back with who she was comfortable with, who she had a history with. Not a man she'd worked with for years and just started up with.

"You're right, you're always right. I'm sorry." Andy turned around and walked out. He didn't stop at his desk, but continued past it, leaving work.

Brenda watched as he left and felt awful. She wanted to go after him, but she couldn't. The rest of the team had shown up while they'd been arguing and for her to follow him? She didn't think she could do it. Reluctantly, she sat back down. All she could think about was how her life was more complicated than she'd ever thought possible. Her head hurt. She thought about Andy, saddened by the fact that she'd hurt him. It wasn't her intention, not at all.

Suddenly, she got up out of her chair and headed out the door. Heading in the direction he'd disappeared in, she quickened her pace. She needed him to know that things would be okay with the two of them. That it wasn't a one time only thing, that there was something more between the two of them then just sex. As she hurried through the halls, she realized that she cared more about the fact that she'd hurt Andy than the fact that she'd hurt Fritz by leaving him. If she was confused before, she was even more so now. She hoped she could find him, that it wasn't too late, that she hadn't driven him away. Things were moving way too fast between the two of them, but she found she didn't care. She just wanted to make things right between the two of them.


	12. Chapter 12

Brenda searched for Flynn, but she couldn't find him. She finally gave up in disappointment and headed back to her office. She felt awful, but there wasn't much she could do until he finally came back to work. Upset, she closed her blinds and sat at her desk, wanting to close everything out. How had she managed to get herself into this mess? She should have just maintained a distance from Flynn after he'd been attacked. She'd let down her guard, allowed herself to get too close to him. She'd allowed herself to develop feelings for someone that she had no business in allowing herself to. She was married, she kept telling herself. But no matter what her brain was telling her, her heart ached for the missing man. She hadn't wanted to hurt him, not at all. But she had.

Brenda laid her head on her desk, the coolness helping with the headache that was starting to form. This was how Provenza found her a few moments later when he came in to talk to her. Quietly, he opened her chocolate drawer, took out a Hershey bar and put it in her hand.

"What's this for?" she asked him, staring bleakly at one of her favorite treats.

"I always find that chocolate helps you to recover quicker from whatever is bugging you. So eat it, I don't care if it's ten in the morning or not." Provenza said, not unkindly.

Brenda sat up and ripped open the Hershey bar, biting into it. He was right, it did help.

"Are you okay, Chief? You don't seem like yourself today." Provenza usually was looking for gossip, but today he was concerned about her. He'd just been coming into work when he'd seen her racing down the hall, looking upset.

"Nothing that about five more of these chocolate bars can't cure." Brenda muttered.

"That bad, huh?"

"You don't know the half of it, Lieutenant." Brenda took another bite.

"Why don't you take some time off, Chief? You look worn out and frazzled. You should take a couple of days to yourself."

"I'd love to, but it won't help any. I'd just spend the time thinking about what is troublin' me and I really don't want to do that. I just need to focus on this case. But thank you for your concern, Lieutenant. It's nothing that won't be solved eventually."

"If you say so, Chief." Provenza got up to leave, still concerned for her.

"Lieutenant, one thing before you go. Could you not tell anyone that you are concerned for me? I'm fine, I really am."

"Sure, Chief, no problem." Provenza left it at that, returning to the squad room just as Flynn reappeared there.

"Coming in late today? Must be nice to come to work when you please." Provenza sniped at him.

"I was here before, dumbass, I just had to leave for a bit. I'm back now, so get over it." Flynn sniped right back at him.

"Geez, what's up your ass this morning? Get up on the wrong side of bed?" Provenza looked at his friend and wondered what was really bothering him. Flynn would never tell him though. Still, he looked like he could use someone to talk to.

"Listen, Provenza, I'm not in the mood for this today. I just really want to get to work." Flynn said, sitting down.

"Hell must have froze over. Did you just say you really want to work? Who are you and what have you done with Andy Flynn?" Provenza cocked an eyebrow at him, wondering what was going on.

"Haha, you're so funny. Can I just get to work now?" Flynn sighed, irritated.

"If you call what you do "work", who am I to stop such an ambitious fellow?" Provenza left it at that and returned to his desk. It didn't stop him from watching his friend every once in a while though. He was concerned.

Brenda came out of her office eventually and was happy to see that Andy had come back. What she wanted to do was fling her arms around him. Instead, she went to the break room to get a coffee. When she came back, she went straight to her office, not saying much to anyone. After a few moments, hoping no one would notice, Andy picked a file up off his desk and then trailed in after her. He took a moment to lock her door, not wanting anyone to come in.

"I think maybe we should cool things for a while, Brenda. It may not be the best idea for you to move into my spare room. I'd love to have you there, but we're getting too close, too fast. And one of us is going to get hurt. Most likely me." Andy felt awful, but thought he had to do this.

Brenda looked at him, crestfallen. He was pushing her away to save himself. That made her feel even worse. She knew things had gone too fast in their budding relationship. While sleeping with him had been good, it had been too fast, she agreed in that respect. But she didn't want to cool things with him. She wanted to move forward with him, she realized with a start.

"What if I don't want to cool things? What if I want to be in a relationship with you?" She asked, her voice wavering.

"Brenda, it's not that I don't want to be in a relationship with you, but I think we're going too fast. You're in a trial separation with your husband, you're going out to dinner with him tonight, for god's sake. I know how I feel about you. But you, I'm not so sure."

Brenda took a step towards him. "What if we forget the physical side of the relationship and start over, slower? We go out for dinner, dancing, whatever. And eventually we'll get to the point of a physical relationship again. But don't say this is over before it's really even begun."

Andy sighed, a sucker for Brenda's big brown eyes which were looking at him with such pleading in them. He couldn't walk away from her. He was already in too deep. He took a step closer to her, bringing them both achingly closer to one another.

"I'd be in agreement with that. We'll go slow." Brenda was face to face with him now.

"I'd like that very much. I've developed some strong feelings for you, Andy."

"I think you know how I feel already." Andy replied.

"I got the picture last night."

"Good."

Even though they were at work, in an office with their co-workers just feet away, they couldn't help it. Andy took her in his arms and kissed her. It was gentle and sweet, and it made Brenda feel better about everything. Somehow they'd work through everything, but for now, this was a start. They pulled apart, afraid of someone discovering the door locked with the two of them inside.

"Don't worry about tonight, okay, Andy?"

"I'll worry, Brenda, but I know you have to hear him out." Andy was making every effort to be reasonable. He'd gotten that much through his head on his long walk.

"Thank you, Andy. I'll call you after, okay? I'm thinking of moving back to the apartment, into the spare room. I promise, it's just cause the hotel is costing me a fortune. It doesn't change the fact that I am seeing you now."

It didn't sit well with Andy that she was going to do that, but he also didn't think it was a good idea for her to move into his place. Not now that he'd decided they needed to take a step back.

"I trust you, Brenda." was all he said. For now, he'd just have to believe in her. He turned to leave, feeling mildly better than he had.

"I know, Andy. We better get back to work." Brenda said, taking a step back towards the desk.

Andy unlocked the door and left her office. He took a deep breath and settled back into his desk. The next few hours were going to be difficult for him, he could only hope that that FBI guy didn't manage to persuade Brenda into reconciling. He'd said he trusted her, but a part of him had a niggling doubt about everything. And the fact that he doubted her bothered him. It bothered him alot.


	13. Chapter 13

Brenda headed back to her hotel, intending to pack her things up and check out. She figured she might as well move into the guest room of the apartment, it would make it easier to not give in to temptation where Andy was concerned. He wanted to take things slower, and she was willing to do so. She still didn't know what she wanted. She had feelings for both Andy and Fritz and was totally confused by the entire situation. Fritz was comfortable, someone she'd been with for so long. She did love him. But this thing with Andy, it was interesting and new, feelings that had been hidden for a long time. She just had never realized them before, until she almost lost him.

She'd seem him watching her as she left, concern in his eyes that she was going to get back with Fritz, forget about their little interlude together. She couldn't say his feelings were unfounded. As much as she was finding herself falling for Andy, she still had feelings for Fritz, no matter their problems. Nothing was going right for her. She got to the hotel and went to her room. Packing up didn't take very long, as she didn't have much, but she sat down on the bed and put her head in her hands. She had to make a decision and stick by it. Someone was going to get hurt, she knew that. And neither man deserved that.

Brenda had no idea how long she sat there and only was startled out of her thoughts by the sound of her phone ringing. She quickly fished it out of her purse, looked at the caller I.d., and seen that it was Fritz. She hit the answer button.

"Brenda, where are you? I have reservations for seven." Fritz said.

"I'm just packing up at the hotel, Fritz. I thought I'd move into the spare room until we see if we can work things out between us. I'll be at the apartment in fifteen minutes." Brenda hated when he used that tone of voice with her, but realized he did have justification to be upset.

Fritz was silent, wondering what had made Brenda change her mind and decide to at least come and be in the same apartment as him. Oh, he was glad for it, but the woman seemed to change her mind at the drop of a hat. At least the close proximity would give him time to change her mind and give their marriage another chance. So he hoped.

"That's great, Brenda. I'll see you here." Fritz finally said, happiness evident in his voice.

Brenda hung up and sighed. _What was she doing?_, she asked herself. She could hear in his voice that Fritz was thinking they were close to getting back together. Yet she knew that she wasn't at that point. Not when her feelings for Andy were so strong and getting stronger. She'd known he was hurt today. It had felt awful to see him so worried. Yet he'd taken it well when she said she was moving back into the apartment. Much better than she had thought he might. She finally got up off the bed and picked up her suitcase and purse. It was time to go and get this over with.

It didn't take long to check out and head for home. Traffic was light and she made it there in no time at all. Fritz had heard her car pull in and had come out to meet her. She got out of the car and turned to grab her bags out of the back. As she walked to the steps, Fritz tried to take her in his arms and give her a kiss. She managed to dodge it, the kiss landing on her cheek instead. Fritz frowned at this.

"So, where are we going tonight, Fritz?" Brenda shook off the awkwardness and hoped that Fritz wouldn't get too bent out of shape about the avoided kiss.

"I was thinking we'd go out for a nice Italian dinner. Would you like that?" Fritz was trying very hard not to push Brenda, hoping she'd come around and come back to him.

"Sounds terrific, I can't wait." Brenda went by him, entering the apartment. Joel came rushing at her, surprisingly fast given his weight. He wrapped himself around Brenda's legs, welcoming her back. Brenda put down her bags and picked him up.

"How's my good boy? Did you miss your mama?" Brenda talked in a baby voice to him, clearly having missed the cat more than Fritz. She lavished him with attention. Joel meowed in happiness, snuggling in close to her.

"Well, at least you missed someone." Fritz muttered, walking into the apartment behind her.

Brenda put Joel down and picked up her bags again, heading for the spare bedroom. Setting her bags down, it felt odd to be in this room. She hadn't been in it much since Charlie had left. She'd never put her boards of evidence against Stroh back up, refusing to get caught up in that situation again. She still wanted to put him behind bars, but she was at a dead end with it. She shook off the memory of that case and busied herself.

"I'll be ready to go in a sec, Fritzie. We won't be late at all." Brenda called out. She puttered around, getting ready before rejoining Fritz in the living room.

"See, already to go." She smiled, determined to give this a chance. He did deserve it, she did feel that. Still, her mind drifted to Andy. She shook it off, however and slung her purse over her shoulder.

Fritz smiled, relieved that she was at least trying. Things had been so strained the last couple of months between them that they'd both given up somewhat. The fact that she was trying hard had to mean something. He held the door open for her as they left the apartment. He was determined to win her back, no matter what. What he didn't know was how his wife wasn't thinking of him at this moment, but of a rival he didn't even know about.


	14. Chapter 14

Brenda was surprised how fast the evening had gone with Fritz. They'd had a nice time, but Brenda had found herself thinking about Andy more often than not. Her mind definitely wasn't on Fritz and he knew it.

"What's on your mind tonight, Brenda? It certainly isn't on the two of us." Fritz finally said as the dessert was being brought out to them.

Immediately she covered up though. "Just this case we've been working on. Can't seem to get it off my mind."

"So, nothing new then." his tone had a hint of exasperation in it. "Can't you put work behind you for one evening, when we're trying to work on saving our marriage?"

Brenda said nothing, in fact, she didn't know what to say. She couldn't admit that it wasn't work she was thinking of. She was caught between a rock and a hard place. She felt in the wrong, and this put her on the defensive. What did it say about her that she wanted to be elsewhere than with her husband?

"You knew when you married me that my job was part and parcel of me. You said that you knew what you were getting when you married me. Why is this changing now? Why is everything changing now?"

"Because I thought you loved me, Brenda. That the job would eventually take a backseat to us. But it hasn't changed. The job still comes first, and lately, I've been feeling like someone else is coming first. That you don't care about making this marriage work. You've moved on and you're trying to cover it up."

Brenda remained silent. She'd tried to change, to become the partner that Fritz had wanted. Apparently she'd failed at it. And this failure on her part had made her turn to someone who didn't ask her to change.

"So what do we do, Fritz?" Brenda felt badly, like she was leading him on. She realized she had changed.

"I don't know anymore, Brenda. If you're heart isn't in this anymore, maybe it's best we make a clean break of it."

"So, you think it's the end of us?" Brenda felt bad, but not devastated.

"I think it just might be." Fritz took a sip of his water. He loved Brenda, but realized she had pulled away from him. It would be easier to let go of her than to have her end up hating him eventually. Even if his heart was being torn up.

They drove home in silence, Brenda accepting a kiss on the cheek from him before she went to her room. She sat on the bed, not knowing whether to cry or not. Seven years of her life, and this was it. Tonight had been an acknowledgment of goodbye between them. And for the first time in a long time, Brenda was scared. Anything with Andy was a big unknown. Fritz had always been her safety net and now it looked like that was gone. She could only hope the whole thing with Andy was not just a flash in the pan, or she'd feel like a fool for taking the chance. She fished her phone out of her purse, remembering her promise to phone him. Soon she heard his familiar voice.

Keeping her voice low, she said hello to him.

"How are you, Andy? Feeling any better?" She'd known he was upset but had done well to hold it in. She couldn't believe how well he was trying for her.

"I've had better days. But I'm doing alright." he said quietly. He'd felt a bit ridiculous at his behavior that day. He'd always thought of himself as more in control, more able to weather things. He wasn't one to wear his heart on his sleeve, but she was bringing that out in him. He'd never thought that things would change like that between him and her. He needed her more than she needed him. That bothered him. "How'd your date go?"

"It was alright. I think he's come to the realization that things aren't going to work out between us. It scares me. I don't like the unknown. I'm not good with the unknown."

"You're fine, Chief. You're a strong woman."

"Andy, in case you didn't notice, I'm a mess in my personal life. I manage to screw everything up. And it scares me. A lot."

"I'm scared too, Brenda. This is a big step for me. I've never been so scared of losing someone. And the problem is, you aren't even mine to lose. I don't know where I stand with you."

Brenda went silent. She didn't know what to say once again, to a man who was telling her how he felt. It wasn't that she was unfeeling. She was just confused about everything, too many changes that she'd brought upon herself.

"Listen, Andy, I'm going to turn in for the night. I'll see you in the morning." She couldn't comfort him when she didn't know how. Her feelings for him had been the catalyst for her leaving Fritz, but she was hurting him and she knew it. And she didn't know how to make him feel better about it.

"Do you want to meet for breakfast?" He had to see her again, to make her see that things could work between the two of them. Because he was fast coming to the realization that he'd fallen for her, that Andy Flynn, tough guy, was turning into a big softie when it came to one small southern blond. And his feelings were growing strong enough that he felt like he'd sacrifice anything for her. If she did want to be in a full-fledged relationship, he'd do anything for her. He just wanted her to know that he would do that.

Brenda thought about it and finally agreed. Things would be better in the morning, once she got some sleep. Maybe then she'd figure things out.


	15. Chapter 15

Brenda walked down the hall, concentrating on the casefile she held in her hands. The case wasn't coming together well, and she scoured what she had to find that one missing piece they seemed to be overlooking. She'd rather throw herself into her case than to think of the mess she'd made of her personal life so far. She'd thrown in the towel on her marriage, living with Fritz was getting on her nerves since they'd become "just roommates" and she'd been ignoring Andy lately, though not really meaning to. Work was her sanctuary, her place to hide with her head in the sand.

Head down, she didn't notice the man who couldn't stop thinking about her fall into step beside her. When he realized she was still ignoring him, Andy took matters into his own hands. Seeing the door for the stairwell coming up, he suddenly grabbed her arm and dragged her into it.

Brenda gave a little squeal of shock and surprise before realizing it was Andy who'd done this to her. She hit him with the case file, displeased about being grabbed and pulled into a stairwell.

"Andy! What did you do that for? Anyone could have seen you!" Displeasure marked her tone and her face.

"Well, what else am I suppose to do when you won't even acknowledge I'm around hardly anymore? It's been a long time since I've been able to do this, Brenda."

Before she knew what happened, Andy's lips touched hers and she melted into him. It had been a long time. She felt like she was punishing him for everything that had been going on and it wasn't fair to him. Her one hand wandered up to his hair, her fingers winding through it and pulled him closer to her.

Andy definitely liked her response, his hands holding her ever tighter, drawing her in. He'd missed her, missed this. Although their time together had been short, it was intense. And with this response from her, he at least knew she still wanted him.

The kiss only ended when both needed air. They stood close in the stairwell, breathing heavily. Brenda rested her head on his chest, using him to steady her now weak legs. Andy just enjoyed the feel of her in his arms. He wanted more, but not knowing how she felt about things, he'd never pressed the issue. But this limbo that existed between them, he didn't know how much more he could stand. He was tired of standing still, the two of them unable to work out what kind of relationship the two of them were going to have.

"Are you okay?" Andy finally spoke again.

"I'm fine, Andy. Really, I am. Just confused." she croaked out.

"Why?" he asked simply.

"Cause I don't know what to do anymore. I don't know what to do about you. About us." She held on to him tightly, loving the feel of his arms holding her close, keeping her safe.

"It will be okay. You'll figure it out." He didn't know what to tell her. He couldn't reassure her that everything would be alright, because he didn't know if it would be. A lot was at stake for both of them if the relationship came out, but she would suffer more if it was revealed. She had a lot more to lose than he did. And he couldn't ask her to sacrifice everything for him. He didn't have that in him.

"What if I can't? You know I've always had trouble keeping my personal life separate from my professional one. It's part of what broke Fritz and I up. He wanted more than I could give him. I put the job first. You're one of the only people who've ever understood that."

"I think we need to talk again, figure out where things are going. But I'll tell you this, right now. I'm falling for you, Brenda Leigh Johnson. I'm falling in love with you. And if it means choosing between my job and you, I think I'd choose you." Andy heard himself saying these words and couldn't believe himself.

Brenda pulled her head away from his chest, looking up at his brown eyes, seeing absolute honesty in them. Even though Fritz had always said he knew what he was getting into when he married her, he hadn't. He'd thought she'd change afterwards, give up her driven ways, lose some of the tenacity and ferocity for the job. When she hadn't changed like he had thought she would, he'd expressed his displeasure a lot. They'd muddled along, but he didn't get it and she thought he never would. But here, in this stairwell, she stood with a man who'd give up a job he loved, was good at, to be with her. He didn't want her to change but he was willing to change when she hadn't even asked him to. Andy Flynn, of all people. She smiled and reached up to kiss him. She knew what she wanted, and it was him.

He was pleased by her reaction, her kissing him did things to him that made him wish they weren't at work. He wanted her, badly. That one night that seemed so long ago now, ensconced in her hotel room, hidden away from the world, hadn't been enough. As much as he wanted to abide their decision to take things slowly, his body disagreed. He wanted her now. And apparently Brenda could read his mind. When the kiss ended, and she rested against him once again, she whispered lightly, almost that he couldn't hear her.

"Could we go to your place tonight? Have dinner there?"

"I would like nothing better than that. You haven't tasted anything til you've had my risotto. I'm an excellent cook, if I do say so myself."

"Well, you aren't humble at all, are ya?" Brenda smiled.

"You, of all people, should have figured that out long ago." Andy kissed the top of her head.

"I did. And I still like you, even with your massive ego." she chuckled.

"Good, as long as we have it clear. I have a massive ego and you single-minded. Should work well together."

"You better believe it."

They stood in each others arms for awhile longer, til her phone rang. Reluctantly, she answered it, still resting comfortably in his embrace. It was Gabriel, they'd finally gotten a lead and she was needed. Work called once again and their brief moment of closeness was coming to an end. But for once, both didn't mind. They would see each other later. Taking a moment to compose herself, straighten her clothes and hair after one final kiss, Brenda left the stairwell. For once, she hoped that she could get out of work early enough, she had other plans and she really didn't want to miss out on them.


End file.
